Karan Johar and Tambrahm Weddings!

Tambrahm Kalyanams have come a long way. The profile of the weddings, the way they are organised, ithyaathi ithyaathi have all undergone a massive transformation. There was a time when we were kids (I am in my 50s now) marriages were conducted at our illams in Kerala. All arrangements from Pandal to pachakkari purchase to arranging milk to Chamayal to Nadaswaram to Vaadhyar to Dress purchase to Batshanam were all arranged by the family members themselves. There was wholehearted support from the local community as well in many things like cutting vegetables and serving etc… I remember as kids even we were given some sundry tasks like taking note of vessels and counting chairs when they were unloaded.  For easy reference and understanding, I am calling this the Galatta Kalyanam because there were a lot of unfolding galattas at each stage of the kalyanam.

Then came the next phase probably from the 80s which I call as the phase of Contract Kalyanams.  Pioneered and popularised from Coimbatore by Krishna Vaadhyar, the concept quickly spread all over like wildfire. In Contract Kalyanam 1.0, it was only the Catering and Vaideeham that were outsourced. But slowly everything else like Nadaswaram, Photo/Videographer/Kolam podara mamis, Vaazha maram/Pandakaal arranging etc got included. Marriage caterers soon became Marriage contractors. This is in Contract Kalyanam 2.0. I must say here with Kalyanams moving from Galatta to Contract mode, the fun element slowly started receding and Tambrahm weddings became like corporate events where the conducting family, relatives and friends all attended the wedding as “guests”.  This phase of Contract Kalyanam has been in vogue for a long stretch of 30-40 years but in the last few years, we are seeing another transformation.

In this current phase, the Galatta element is back but in a different form and in a sense, it is Galatta Kalyanam. And it is still Contract Kalyanam because almost everything is still outsourced but with a twist. So how are Tambrahm weddings being conducted now? Those who had the opportunity to organise weddings in their families recently or attended a wedding of their close relative/s will be able to relate to what I am going to explain.

Tambrahm weddings are back to the old days of tension and pressure for the family. But the cause for the tension and pressure is not about reasons of the past like – Chaapaadu nanna irukkanum. Chaapaadu nanna illaina, ellaarum adhaye lifelong cholli kaattuva.  Kalyanam annikku paal correct’a nerathukku varumaa? Bandh/Hartal onnum irukaathe.  Maapillai party vara train 3 manikoorukku mela late aagaathe etc etc. These days the worries and the tension continue but at a different level.

• The first tension is about the timely arrival of the boy and the girl for the kalyanam. Kalyana date ellam fix panniyaachu. Innum ponnukkum, payyanukkum leave confirm aagalainnu cholra… Yetho US ’la kalyana samayathula version release irukkaam. Rendu perum busyaana neramnnu chollindu irukkaa. Rendu perum vara mudiyaati, Kalyanatha Zoom la nadatha vendiyathu thaan.
• Next is to get right a very important person. In the past, one of the most important decisions to make for the parents is the choice of the caterer. But now for the girl’s parents, more than the contractor or the wedding planner which is sort of easy to decide based on references, the important decision to make is the choice of the beautician. Intha beautician’a fix panrathukulla porum porum’nnu aayiduthu. Insta’ la check panni decide pannu’nnu Californiavila okkaanthundu order panraa my daughter! These are the usual laments of the girl’s parents these days.  Then there are other demands – Nalla Star ratings irukkanum. Google’a feedback nanna irukkanum. Organic products thaan use pannanum. (It is another matter that everyone claims to use only Organic products). Products ellam Hypoallergenic’a irukkapadaathu etc etc.
• Third – the Photo/Videographer and the events guy. More than the guy who covers the regular function (called the traditional cameraman), the candid photographer is most important as he has to capture a lot of candid moments of the couple, the parents, relatives and friends. Quickly after the wedding, the videographer should be able to give a short 10-12 minute “highlights” video that is short enough to be shared with family and friends on WhatsApp without getting sliced. The fact is, no one except the family which spent money on conducting the wedding has the patience to watch 3-4 hours long coverage of the kalyanam. He should also provide “Shots” and “Reels” which can be shared on Insta and FB by the couple and relatives with hashtags in the level of #Virushkawedding or #Saifeena. But the most important is of course the paduthal called “Pre-Wedding” shoot!
• The next thing that gives the parents and relatives a lot of tension before the kalyanam these days is “Practice”. Those days, the only practice required was for madisaar and panjakacham But these days, it is the singing and dance practice. Almost all Tambrahm weddings have the Sangeet event these days in which the bride, groom, both sides’ parents and relatives in different age groups perform. Gone are the days of getting away with the “Sivaji Ganesan walk” or the standard “Amitabh Bachchan step” and calling it a dance.  These days everyone has to dance in sync as per the choreographer’s steps. It is another matter that despite all these most Tambrahm mamas cannot dance to save their lives while the mamis manage to dance with grace.
• Then comes another important thing which is getting the blouses and other dresses stitched on time. Those days, before the marriage, friends and relatives dropped into the bride’s or the groom’s house for what is called as “Kalyanam Vicharikal” during which the pattu podavais and other purchases were shown. These days, there is little scope for this because the purchase of clothes happens till the last minute.  Sample this conversation:
  • Mami 1: (Over Phone from US) Pattu Podavai purchase ellaam aayaacha? Enga WhatsApp le appadiye kaamingo.
  • Bride’s mother mami: Adhai yen kekkaraai? Ponnum, payyanum avaale paathu vaangikarom’nnu chollitaa. Colour co-ordinate panraalaam. Avaalukku velaiya vittu time kidaccha thaane…
  • Mami 1: Oh, is it? Nee podavai eduthaacha? Enna colour muhurthathukku?
  • Bride’s mother mami: Ponnu eduthaparam thane naan edukka mudiyum. Ella sessionukkum colour co-ordinate pannanum’nu vera cholli irukkaa ponnu. Adha naala enakkum podavai edukka mudiyalai.
  • Mami 1: Late aanaa blouse ellam eppadi thechu kidaikkum? En paiyyan kalyanathukku tailor 3 blousukku 3 maasam eduthundaan.
  • Bride’s mother mami: Chonna aaru kekkara? Ithu periya tension’aa irukku. Ithula vera Kanjipuram poi directa’ thari la vaangina antha weaversukku benefit’aa irukkum’nnu vera ponnu chollaraa. Ithukellam ippo enga time?
  • Mami 1: Receptionukku enna dress? Podavai thaane illa Gown madiriyaa?
  • Bride’s mother mami: Ippo ellam Gown thaane ellarum podaraa receptionukku. Naanum oru Sharara thechukalaam’nnu irukken. Athukku minnala, konjam weight’a kuraikanum. Ithu oru periya tension’a irukku.
  • Mami 1: Slim’a iruntha thaan, Sharara ellam nanna suit aagum.
  • Bride’s mother mami: Gents’ukku intha prachanaiye illai. Oru Kurta Pyjama vaangi pottunda porum. Gundaa irunthaalum, Slim’a irunthaalum suit aayidum. Sangeet vera irukku. Athukku Lehenga stitch panna oru 2 maasam aagum. Ore Tension’aa irukku.
  • Mami 1: By the by, naan pona weekend Bay Area’la PS2 paaka porache, unnoda ponnayum, Would be yayum paathen. Avaalum vanthiruntha.  En payyanum, unnoda would be maapillaiyum CISCO’la Ex-Collegues’aam. (Mind voice: Time illennu cholrathellam chumma)
  • Bride’s mother mami: Oh Appadiya… Rendu perukkum Tamil padam – athuvum Mani Ratnam Padam’naa romba pidikkum. Vida maataa.

Namma time madiri illa. Hall lenthu retun gift varaikkum naanga thaan decide pannuvom’nnu cholraa.  As parents, we are just ATMs! Anga avaa enjoy pannindu irukka. Namma thaan inga tension’la irukkom.

Tambrahm weddings from being simple, staid functions are becoming like the Big Fat Punjabi weddings. The credit for this I guess must go to filmmaker Karan Johar who in films (some directed and some produced) popularised Punjabi weddings so much that even the usually dour Tambrahms have taken to them. That’s why after the Galatta Kalyanams and Contract Kalyanams, Tambrahm Kalyanams have become Karan Joharised Shaadis!

Pic Credit: Quirkyinvitations.com

Chinna Vengaya Sambaarukku Jai!

Today is Sunday and like other Sundays, the menu at home is obviously Chinna Vengaya Sambaar. If you do a quick survey of Tambrahm households on their Sunday menu, I am sure it will be Chinna Vengaya Sambaar in more than 75% of households if not 100%.  Chinna Vengaya Sambaar occupies such a pride of place in a Tambrahm menu.

I am unable to recall when this started at our home actually. Hailing originally from Kerala, Chinna Vengayam was not that popular a thing initially in our house. But when we moved to Trichy in Tamil Nadu, the liking for Chinna Vengayam and the protocol of making Chinna Vengaya Sambaar every Sunday started and it continues till today. Interestingly after marriage, the tradition has continued. At the in-laws’ house also, Sunday meant Chinna Vengaya Sambaar. So that helped. Soon I realized, it is not just our houses, but almost all Tambrahm houses, the situation is the same.

To some extent, I can understand the reason. Sundays are weekly offs and everyone is in a relaxed mood. On Sundays, Bengalis indulge themselves in delicacies made out of fish. Non-Vegetarians usually make it special with chicken or mutton dishes. For Tambrahms who are vegetarians, Chinna Vengaya Sambaar is that special thing.

In fact, it starts with breakfast itself. At my house, usually, Sunday mornings are reserved for Idlis with Chinna Vengaya Sambaar which my Amma will make early morning itself so that it can be used for breakfast. Normal Sambaar’a vida, Vengaya Sambaar’na, and Amma will make more so that for breakfast we can have Idli and Chinna Vengaya Sambaar, for lunch Chinna Vengaya Sambaar and Potato Kaara Kari and then in the evening some Sambaar Vadai.

It takes more effort to make Chinna Vengaya Sambaar than other Sambaars as you have to peel off the small onions one by one during which you may end up weeping copiously. My neighbourhood mami used to do that on Saturday nights itself while watching her usual Tamil serials. It will be difficult to tell if the tears are due to the serial or Chinna Vengayam. But the good thing nowadays is that supermarkets and South Indian stores sell ready-made urichu vecha Chinna Vengayam. So, it makes it easy to make the Sambaar with lesser effort.

Now coming to Idli with Chinna Vengaya Sambaar, there is a nuanced difference. If you take Idli and eat it with Sambaar it is Idli-Sambaar. But if you dunk pieces of Idlis in Sambaar, keep it soaked for some time so that the Idli pieces absorb the Sambaar, and then eat, it is Sambaar Idli. In Trichy, our pakkathu veettu mama would insist that the Sambaar Idli as above should be eaten after pouring dollops of ghee on the top. He used to insist that it is like ‘Sorgathukke poyittu vantha madiri irukkum’. You can guess that this mama belongs to the Saapaattu Raman type, the one who has taken birth in this Bhoomi only to eat.

When Idli and Chinna Vengaya Sambaar are on the menu, mami will keep a few additional yedu of Idlis than normal. Mamas and in fact everyone tends to gobble up a few extra Idlis than their normal quota when served with Chinna Vengaya Sambaar. Usually, the quip of mamis – ‘Konjam paathu saapidungo, weight control’e illai falls on deaf ears when it is Idli with Chinna Vengaya Sambaar. Similarly, she will keep one extra tumbler of rice for lunch when Chinna Vengaya Sambaar is there. As one mama famously said, “Engaathula Chinna Vengaya Sambaar panra annikku eppozhuthume traffic jam than – between kitchen and dining table!”

Connoisseurs of cooking and eating, which in effect means all Tambrahms are aware that there are two popular ways of making Sambaar, namely Podi Potta Sambaar which takes less time and effort and then the more popular Arachuvitta type. This takes more time and more effort. But it is tastier. In the rankings of different types of Sambaars, there is nothing to beat the Arachuvitta Sambaar. Make no mistake, as far as Chinna Vengaya Sambaar is concerned, there is only one type that is acceptable which is the Arachuvitta type.

Another major issue in Tambrahm households is the issue of ‘Thottukka Enna?’ for anything. Ask any mami, she will tell you the mental frustration and torture she goes through in deciding what to make as ‘Thottukka’ for tiffins. I had written about this in detail in my earlier article – “Thottukka Enna?”. If you have not read that before, please do read here. On a day when the mami makes Chutney for Idli, the mama will ask – Innnikku Kadappa illiya?. The day she makes Kadappa, the son will ask – Innikku Chutney illiya? And the day because maybe some guests have come, when the mami makes Chutney and Kadappa, the daughter will ask – Innikku Molagapodi illiya? But again, make no mistake, the day Chinna Vengaya Sambaar is made, the mami doesn’t have to go through any torture like this. Everyone in the family from the mama to the Ambi will happily eat whatever tiffin is made with Chinna Vengaya Sambaar.

Not just at home. Chinna Vengaya Sambaar is so popular with customers, that caterers who supply food on daily basis to mamas and mamis these days will ensure that on Sundays, the menu includes Chinna Vengaya Sambaar. When I checked last, the catering mama told me that on Sundays, the demand goes up by more than two times because Chinna Vengaya Sambaar is on the menu.

In Chennai, I have seen that people used to line up at the Original Ratna Café because they provided small buckets of Chinna Vengaya Sambaar along with water on the table irrespective of whatever you order. Even today, Ratna Café is pulling along based on the reputation it built on the taste of the Chinna Vengaya Sambaar.

Similarly in Mumbai, for bachelors, one of the favourite food places was the “South Indian Concerns” in Matunga East where they use to serve tasty food at reasonable prices. If one of the highlights of the place is ‘Ela potta saapaadu’, and the other was the Chinna Vengaya Sambaar. It was very difficult those days to get a seat on Wednesday nights and Sunday afternoons when Chinna Vengaya Sambaar was on the menu. By the way, in Mumbai where I live now, Chinna Vengayam is called “Madras Onion” thanks to its popularity among the Tamils.

The other aspect of Chinna Vengaya Sambaar is not just Idlis, it goes well with everything. Whether it is Dosa, Adai, Vadai and what not, if they are accompanied by Chinna Vengaya Sambaar, their taste gets elevated.

Chinna Vengayam is the perfect example of “Murthy chinnatha irunthaalum, Keerti perusu” Though smaller in size, Chinna Vengayams beat the Periya Vengayams hollow in terms of popularity. However, despite this popularity, one doesn’t understand why you call a stupid guy– sutha vengayama irukaan! Anyone?

Pic Courtesy: Sandhya’s Cookbook page.

Mami’s Call Vs. Mama’s Call!

With the advent of technology, cheap telephony and internet, one thing that has become easy today compared to a few decades ago is “being in touch”! Making outstation calls through mobile is very cheap. Making ISD calls through WhatsApp is free. Making Video calls is a breeze. The result – Tambrahm Mamis and Mamas talk to their children very regularly. But there is always a difference in what Mamis talk about with their children, in particular the daughters and what Mamas talk about with their children. For this article, Mamis and Mamas are those in the age group of 60 – 75 years while the sons and daughters are married and in the age group of 35 – 45.

Most likely illa illa definitely, Mamis talk to their daughters at least once a day if not more frequently while they talk to their sons on a need basis or probably once a week. Mamas talk to their sons and daughters usually on a need basis or once a week.

A Mami’s call to her daughter though happens every day, revolves around a lot of topics and goes something like this:

Suresh office poyaachaa? (Suresh is the son-in-law)

Aadi school ponaana? (Aaditya is the grandson). School bus correct’ a vanthutha?

After those initial ice breakers, the conversation veers around the purpose for which Tambrahms exist i.e. Food.

Enna tiffin kaarthaala? Idliyaa? Thottukka enna?

Chutney’e pannindu irukkiye. Oru naal different’a kadappa try pannen…

Giving menu suggestions to their daughters is in the DNA of Mamis.

Molaga podi theernthu pochunnu sonniye…. Podichu vechiya?

A daughter can’t get a better organizer/reminder mechanism than her mother.

Aadi’kku dabbala enna kudutha?

Apparum madyanam lunch’ukku enna? Innikku Pradoshamakkum. Vengayam avoid pannu…

Nethikku dinner’ukku enna pannina? Arisi kozhakattaiya??? Ozhunga vanthutha?? Kozhanju onnum pogalaiye…?

Athu kozhaiyaama irukarathukku… tips follow.

For the mother, even a grown-up daughter is always a novice as far as cooking is concerned… and so tips on cooking are to be provided almost on a daily basis.

After this round of kusalam over food, menu, etc… conversation shifts to another favourite and important topic.

Nethikku Shantha vanthaala??? (Shantha is the housemaid)

Etho leave eduthaalum eduppaa’nnu nethikku sonniye…

Inga Lakshmi vanthaa. Aana romba late aayiduthu. Ava varathukulla naanum appavuma perukki, thodachu ellam pannittom. Late’a varuvennu oru phone panni irukalaam illiyaa? At least oru WhatsApp message potturuntha thevala… Nethikku fullum kaal vali thaanga mudiyalai.

Discussion around the maidservant can go longer. But let us move on. From the maid servant topic, over to others…

Yaaravathu phone panninaala?

Nethikku evening Chitthi phone pannina, US lenthu… Chumma thaan. Oru 10 mani irukkum nightla… Konja neram pesindu irunthaa. Adutha maasam thirumbi varaalaam. Anga Vinayaga Chaturti ellam romba grand’a panninaalaam. Angeyum ippo Shastha Batter’nnu fresh Idli/Dosa maavu ellam kidaikarathaam.  California’la avaa irukara idathula romba chooda irukkam ippo.. Ippadi konja neram pesindu iruntha…

Exchanging notes like above on who called whom and what was said is an important segment of the daily phone call.  The call then moves to immediate action points.

Suresh’oda passport intha maasam expire aagarathunnu pona maasam sonniye… Pudhu passport’ukku apply panniyaacha?

This is what I mentioned earlier also. You can’t beat the Mamis on their memory and organisation skills. You would have told her about this passport expiry thing a month ago and forgotten yourself. But the mother will remember this and give you a timely reminder.

Another example of their memory is how they remember birth dates, Star birthdays of almost all in the family tree and remind you now and then. Something like this:

Aadi’oda natchathiram Friday annikku varathu. Kovil’a archanaikku cholli du.

Suresh’oda adutha maasam 14^th.

If there are no other action points and no other topics, the call moves towards a wrap-up.

Verenna?

Balconey’la Rose chedi vechiye… Nanna varathaa?

Verenna?

Adutha vaaram Suresh’kku tour ethavathu irukka?

Verenna?

Now let us look at how a Mama’s call with his son goes:

Enna anga mazhai peyyaratha? Inga romba chooda’ irukku. – In general, about the weather.

Office ellam eppadi poyindu irukku… Work from home thaane…  – In general, about work.

Nethikku match paathiya? Kohli oru vazhiyaa form’ukku vanthaan – In general about Cricket.

Nethikku Sanjay Subramanian Kacherikku ponnennu potturunthiye… As usual amakalama? – In general about Carnatic Music.

Modi varaar polarukku Bombay’kku naalaiku? Traffic jam’la maataama paathukko.

Property Tax online katta paathen. Some problem. Apparam naane nera poi kattittu vanthutten. – In general, about world affairs.

Baaki amma kitta pesikko…

Do you need a better example to prove that men and women are indeed wired differently?

Smart Phones and Tambrahm Mamas!

When it comes to mobile phones and in particular the smart phones, Tambrahms (mamas and mamis in equal measure) have mixed feelings. On the one hand, they understand and appreciate that some of the aspects of the mobile phones have made their life lives easier and without it, it would be very difficult. On the other hand, they also feel that there is too much of mobile phone usage these days among youngsters which is not good.

And when it comes to adopting the use of the mobile phone, Mamas can be classified into 3 types:

1. Digital Savvy Mamas: These mamas are those who show a lot of interest in adopting new technology or anything new in general. From the normal phone to Smart phone to use of computer/laptop to Tablets, these mamas are adept in learning quickly and using them extensively. These mamas in their prime would have transitioned from the Manual typewriter to Electronic typewriter and then to a Computer easily and smoothly because of their innate interest. Less than 10% of mamas fall in this category.

You can easily spot these mamas. They will be mostly on the phone all the time. At home if not on the phone, they will be reading “The Hindu” or other newspapers these days in digital version on their Tablets.  They most likely watch IPL matches on the phone or their Tablets on Hotstar.  They will be accessing YouTube for the all the Carnatic music content they want to listen/watch and are up-to-date with the online schedules of artists.  For example, these mamas would have invariably subscribed to Sanjay Sabha channel and would be listening to Sanjay Subramanyam’s kutcheris online that too as soon as the content is uploaded. Even they do “Amavaasai tharpanam” themselves by referring to YouTube! They would have downloaded some health App and would be monitoring their vitals through the same. They attend Bhagavathy Sevai with their tablets and read Lalitha Sahasranamam from that.

2. Analog Mamas: These mamas are exactly opposite to the Digital Savvy Mamas and have an allergy for technology or for that matter anything new. They are happy without technology or with very minimum use of technology. Mostly when typewriters were replaced by Computers, they would have opted for VRS. Usually 10-20% mamas fall in this category. They normally lament as follows:

“Enakku intha Smart phone ellam seri pattu varaathu…  Aaru smart’aa illiyo, avaalukku thaan Smart phone venam”!

“Ippo yaara paathalum, eppovum oru phone’a nondeendu okkanthundu irukka!”

“Intha kaalathu kozhanthagal – Sivanoda kazhuthula paambu chutthindu irukume, athu maadiri eppa paaru oru ear phone’a maatitundu okanthindu irukkaa…  Namma kitteyum pechu kidayaathu… namma pesarathayum kekkarathu kidayaathu…”  Sivanennu irukarathu’nna ithu thaan ippo…!”

“Paiyyan romba insist panninaan – athanaala oru Nokia phone vechundu irukken. Call receive panrathoda seri!

“Aathula irukkara pothu land line’la thaan pesuven. Maasa maasam bill kattindu irukkom. Athula free STD calls irukke. Athayum consume pannina maadiri irukkum.

Even if they carry a Smart phone, if you ask something, “Enakku athellam theriyaathu. Neeye pannueden” nnu they will readily hand over the phone to you.

3. Hybrid Mamas: Most of the remaining mamas fall in this category. They are neither obsessed with technology like Digital Savvy Mamas nor allergic to technology like Analog Mamas. Aathula oru kaal, Sethula oru kaal So these mamas use a smart phone wherever it helps. Athe samayathula phone’a appo appo karichu kotarathum undu.

Whenever they get a new phone, oru maasathukku doubt kette pakkathula irukaravaalla padithi eduthupuduvaa.  So their sons and daughters usually direct them to their perans and pethis for clarifying their doubts with patience.  Like we saw in the Malayalam film – At Home, these mamas also maintain a note book to write and keep the steps for using different features of the phone.  The other thing they do is to of course change the ringtone to Ambujam Krishna’s Enna Solli Azhaithaal varuvaayo…  or Alaipaayuthe… in flute and the caller tune to M.S.’ Kurai ondrum illai… or similar. And then change the phone wall paper with kula theivam picture.

Being Hybrid mamas, they don’t use the smart phone for everything. In the sense, they still continue to watch their favourite serials or IPL matches or kutcheris on TV, read the newspaper for news and so on. So much so, with the phone in one hand, Tata Sky remote in the other hand and TV remote in the shirt pocket and newspaper in the lap, these mamas at times resemble “Sankhu Chakra Gadha pani…”!

In their prime, they used to remember telephone numbers by heart. Now they know Tata Sky channel numbers by heart!  These mamas first read the newspaper every morning and update themselves with all the “Actual” News. Then they “open” WhatsApp and go to the different groups like Friends group, Own Family group, Wife family group, Immediate family group,  Walkers group, Music group, Tamil Group, Carnatic music group, Palakkad group, Ex-Office group, Temple group, Society/Colony group etc. etc. and get updated with all the “Fake” news that gets forwarded day in and day out.

Though they can download the App of the bank and check the balance in their accounts, these mamas prefer to visit the bank at least once a week to update their passbooks.

“Intha App, antha App’nnu ethara App’a vechukarathu phone la? Appo appo bank poyittu vanthaa walking aana maadiriyum irukkum, konjam time pass aana maadiriyum irukkum… Intha private bank ellam pass book tharathayum niruthiyutta.  Athanaala naan SBI’la thaan account vechundu irukken. Aana nammallaa appoppo poi anga passbook update pannikanum. Regular’aa update pannaatta, romba neram aagum ella page’ayum print pannathu kulla!”  And strictly they will not use the phone for making payments or purchases etc.… Yerkanave rate of interest Senior citizens’ukku romba kammi aayaachu… Account ’la irukara micha meedhi savings’ayum adichundu poyittaana?

These mamas now have subscribed to various OTT platforms like Amazon Prime, Netflix etc. and catch up with the new releases. Sitting in their base in Mumbai/Chennai/Bangalore/Houston/SFO these mamas make it a point to watch Trichur Pooram or their temple ulsavams live on YouTube or Facebook. And one of the important time pass activities for these mamas is to participate in Modi Vs Anti Modi debates on WhatsApp groups that get triggered when someone shares a pro or Anti Modi post!

Not just mamas, mamis can also be categorised in the above types except that for mamis one of the main use of the smart phones is to do Facetime or WhatsApp video calls with their perans and pethis in the US after they finish talking to their daughters on an everyday basis.  So, whenever they get a new phone, the 1^st thing they would like to know is how to make a video call.

Neenga entha type?

Yaaru Caterer?

Typically in Tambrahm households, there was a time when you will be faced with a barrage of questions on your return from a function like kalyanam from those who couldn’t or didn’t attend the same. The questions were like:

Yarellam vanthiruntha?

Mandapam sowriyama irunthutha?

Kalayanathukku naduvila mazhai onnum peyyalaiye?

Payyan side manusha eppadi?

Kalyana arrangements ellam eppadi irunthuthu?

Evalavu peru vanthiruppa?

Saapaadu ellam eppadi irunthuthu?

Receptionukkku flute kacherinnu potturunthuthe… eppadi irunthuthu?

Mask ellam potturunthaallo? Social distancing ellam eppadi? (Ithu of course oru varushama thaan Corona kaingaryam)

Nowadays there is only one pertinent question being asked. That is:

Yaaru Caterer?

It seems everything else don’t matter.

So much so, the decision whether to attend the kalyanam or not depends on who the caterer is. In fact, when the kalyana pathirigai comes, people do not shy away from asking – “Yaaru Caterer?” and on hearing the answer – “Oh Nirmalyam’a? Kandippa varuven!”

More so, after Corona it’s been a long while since people attended family weddings and other functions. So accordingly the opportunities to eat a proper kalyana saapaadu have also dwindled drastically.

Mama: “Intha Corona naala vaaikku rujiya oru nalla saapaadu saaptu romba naalaachu….

Mami: Yen, naanga samaikarathu ellaam vaaikku rujiya illiyo???

Mama: Illa illa Kalyana saapaadunnu solla vanthen…

Mami: Manasukulla irukarathu thaan velila varum…

Mama: (Mind voice) Aamaamaam.

So now that Corona situation is getting better with double vaccination and all… all are very eager to attend weddings and functions.

Nowadays even Tambrahm kalyanams have become almost like Punjabi shaadis replete with Mehendi function, Sangeet, Baraat, Bidaai and what not…  Slowly, like Punjabi weddings, the arrangement for the wedding is handed over to a wedding/event planner. But in Tambrahm weddings, the caterer doubles up as the wedding planner or the caterer handles all the saapaadu/bakshanam/seeru etc. while the wedding planner takes care of the other extracurricular activities.  In both these cases, what matters to most is “Yaaru Caterer?”

In order to address this most pertinent question, many have started including the name of the caterer in the invitation card itself.

If in those days, kalyana invitation cards included names of Nadaswaram party and details of kutcheris for the Reception, these days it is the turn to put out the name of the caterer boldly. Of course this is a double edged sword. If the caterer is of high repute, you can expect 25% more crowd for the function. And if the caterer is not known so well, you can expect the attendance to be less.

In different cities, there are caterers who are ranked among the Tambrahm community for their delivery and execution. So the moment the caterer’s name is told, mamas and mamis can make up in their mind how the food and other related arrangements would be.  This is very much like the database which comes in a scene in the Tamil film “Boys”.  In that scene Senthil will list the day wise/ session wise Prasadam schedule in the various temples in and around Chennai and claim that it is an important database he manages and continues to update regularly. Likewise, some mamas maintain a database of City wise caterers ranked from the top. Not just that, the database also includes which caterer is good for which type of food and even which particular item.  I know of a friend mama who has all this info in his tips or rather tongue.

Bombay Ramanioda laddoo nanna irukkum

Previous day breakfastukku elai adai – ithu namma Mumbai Nirmalyam caterers’oda speciality.

Chennai’la Chellappa oda kalyana main saapaadu romba joraa irukkum. Paavam Corona vila poyitaar.

Antha kaalathula Kochi Manioda chakka pradaman’a adichukka mudiyaathu.

Tiffinla variety’nna Rajasekhar.  Aanaa ippo Bombaya vida Chennai thaan concentration…

Coimbatore’la ella catererskume ore all thaan palahaaram ellam supply. Oru factory madiri nadathindu irukka.

Since the next gen Tambrahm weddings are beginning to happen in the US, you will find the data base being updated with caterers from there also like

Antha kaalathula writer Chaavi Washingtonil thirumanam’nnu joke’a ezhuthinaar. Ippo athuve sarva saadaranam aayidithu…

Chembur Jayaramanoda payyan Sydney’la branch aarambichirukaan. Romba nanna panraannu kelvi.

Bay Area la Mylapore Express nanna irukku.

And for those who don’t get to attend the function, the point of interest is the menu. Nowadays, most caterers also put out the session wise menu. And enthusiastic mamas while clicking pictures of the function, also click pictures of the menu cards and keep posting in family groups to verupethufy their mamis  who couldn’t attend.

Mami: Inga enna avaroda vayasaana ammava paathukka chollittu avar anga ennadaanna vellaa vellaikku menuva photo eduthu pottundu irukaar. Breakfastukku Kasi Halwavum and Night la dinnerukku Chola Batura’vuma thingarathu… Apparum Cholesterol control’e aaga mattengarathu’nnu solla vendiyathu…

Not just for Kalyanams, knowing well in advance who the caterer is, is important for music Kutcheris also. During the Music season in Chennai, the decision to attend whose Kutcheri in which Sabha also depends on who the Sabha’s aasthaana caterer is, that year.

Mama 1: “Almost 2 years’kku apparam, Sanjay Subramanyathoda live kutcheri nethikku Narada Gana Sabha’la…

Mama 2: Athaan paathene. Avare, thannoda kutcheri Song list’oda “Canteen by Arusuvai team” nnum pottutaare!

Ongaathu adutha functionukku Yaaru Caterer? Enna athu thaan romba mukkiyam. Because that is what is most important 🙂

Mamas and Samayal!

In one of my earlier articles, I had written about the different types of Tambrahm mamas we encounter in our day today lives. This article was well received and many said that they could relate very much to it. That in fact emboldened me to start this “Tambrahmism” series of articles where I started writing about different aspects of Tambrahm life and quirks.  Much later, I wrote Part -2 of the different mama types to cover some more personalities. If you have not read those, please read them here (Part -1) and here (Part 2).

One of the types of Tambrahm mamas which I missed was “Saapatula kutham kandu pidikara mamas” which is also quite a common type. In fact if you ask mamis, they will say all mamas fall in this type. It is now widely known and accepted that Tambrahm mamas by and large are “Saapattu priyans”.  They are so passionate about food that it also makes them very intolerant and nit pickers in matters of food. Whether at home or outside, you cannot stop a mama from judging the menu and food and delivering his judgement even if he has not touched a karandi in years.

Usually the rant starts with the menu itself. “Innikku enna, verum molagoottal thaana? Oru Rasam kisam kidayaatha?” For mamis, making molagoottal doubles up as a kootaan and a side dish and hence saves time and effort.  It is equivalent to Upma for breakfast. If nothing else works out, Upma is always the omnipresent substitute, quick and simple to make.  Same with molagoottal for lunch.

Mama: “Innikkum Upma’va? Oru Puttu/kittu pannina nanna irukkum”

Mami: Aamaam. Erkanave lockdown’la pootindu irukkom. Oraalukku ippo Puttu venamaam!”

After the menu, mama’s critique extends to the making and starts with the rice itself.  “Enna innikku chaadam vegaama vethu vetha irukku?” Or “Enna innikku chaadam ore kozhanju irukku?”  Enna mor kootaanukku Jaundice vantha madiri manjal kooduthala irukku?

Verumarisi adaila thenga pallu podalaya?

Then it gets to the taste and it is usually – “Enna rasathula uppu jaasthiya irukku? Sambhar’la perunkaayam orediya thookindu irukku? Even the curd that sets itself is not left out. “Enna thayir urayave illai? In the earlier generations, mamis got used to the rant, just ignored and kept quiet. But these days, mamis have their own pointed quips which land like precision guided missiles.

For the Sambhar’la perunkaayam question, the answer more likely from today’s mamis would be, “Naan konjama thaan potundu irunthen. Ungamma thaan Sambhar’la innum konjam pottukalaam’nnu sonnathu”! What seemed a wicket taking yorker has been despatched out of the park over the bowler’s head.

Similarly if the mama’s critique is “Enna, paal payasam konjam kozhuthundu irukku?” (Meaning it’s thick), the response would be “Ellam correcta thaan irukku. Ungalukku thaan konjam kozhuppu jaasthi aayirukku. Pona blood test’la cholesterol level jaasti’nnu kaamichuthe!”  One more time, the mama has been “mankaded” that too with prior warning!

Of course, thenga pallu comment meets with a deadly answer always. “Namma palle innikko, naalaiko’nnu irukku. Ithula thenga pallu vera venama?

As I mentioned earlier, mamas cannot stop reacting to food because of their passion towards food. Also, one should blame it on their genes. Even if they don’t cook, most of the mamas score very high on theory as far as samayal matters are concerned. And even if they don’t go near the kitchen to save their lives, they will know what is “kambi paagu” consistency and all.

Tired of listening to “Suppudu” like critical comments for their samayal, I have often seen mamis issuing challenge to mamas – “Ivalavu vakkanaiya pesarele…. Oru naal samachu thaan kaattungalen…” This is like a deadly Doosra. Either you hit out or get out.  There could be two scenarios here. One, the mama doesn’t accept the challenge to which mami’s reaction will be like, “Theory therinja mattum poraathu. Practicalaavum panna therinjurukanum!”  Second, mama sportingly accepts the challenge and gothavula iranga thayaraagirathu.

I imagine the second situation and it will go most probably like this.

Mama: “O.k, enna menu venum?”

Mami: “Ithu verayaa? Yetho Pattappa, Kochi Mani parambara’la vantha madiri enna kelvi? Ethu panna varumo, atha pannungo”

Mama now takes the cue from mami’s book and decides to make what else but Molagoottal so that he doesn’t have to make Kootaan, Thoran and all separately. One Molagoottal, salad and one pickle will do the trick for a full meal along with thayir sadam.

Mama starts the cooking ordeal with cutting the vegetables which is preceded by a barrage of questions “Ithu enga irukku? Athu enga irukku? Yen kathi ivalavu monnaiya irukku?”

Mami: “Samayal panrathu oru naalaikku. Athukku kathi ivalavu sharp’a iruntha porum!”

The response cannot get sharper than this!

Mama: Thengai irukka?

Mami: Thengai thuruvi fridge’la vechurukene. Athaiye use pannungo.

Mama: Athu sari pattu varaathu. Fresh’a thenga chorandi’na thaan taste correct’a varum.” Mama is now pushing his luck by displaying his strength in theory.

Mami: “Okaanthu turuvungo…. Enakenna. Thenga filterukku antha side’la irukku.”

Mama starts the work with Sanjay Subramanyam’s Kharaharapriya on the loop in his ears and of course singing along.

Mami: Samayal panratha ippo ethukku paatellam? Athuvum onga kara kara voice’la?

Mama: “Keertanai Kharaharapriya’ aache?”

Mami: “Joke sahikala!  Innikku mattum illa… neenga eppo paadinaalum Kharaharapriya thaan, athuvum srutiye illaama!”

Mama: “Nee ingarunthu po. Naan ellam pannittu koopadaren. Appo vantha porum.” Mama doesn’t want mami to breathe down his neck while he struggles with his experiments, so to say.

Mami: “Seri, naan kulichuttu varen”!

Mama reaches out to the Arisi dabba to take out rice for keeping in the cooker. To his bad luck, the lid is loose and before he could realise what happened, rice is all over the kitchen. Now, the next task is to clean up the mess before mami comes out of the bath. So, the next few minutes goes in assiduously perukking and porukking the rice grains onnu vidaama from the floor and dumping it at the “bottom of the dust bin”. After it’s all done, a few additional minutes are spent in removing any evidence whatsoever left of the rice spilling episode. Mama is now in the mode of a murderer cleaning up all the evidences from a crime scene.  I think this trait was what was showcased superbly in Michael Madana Kama Rajan in that epic “Meen” comedy scene!!

But as they say, every criminal always leaves a clue without him realising it. So, when mami comes back, her first question is, “Enna nadanthuthu inga? Door’ukku pinnaala arisi ellam kidakku?” I have always felt that most of the mamis are most qualified to be forensic experts and part of crime investigation departments in the world.

Mama: “Aaru unnai inga vara chonna? Inga onnum nadakallai. Nee hall’ukku poi WhatsApp paathundu iru.”

Mama has now cut the vegetables for Molagoottal and kept it in gas with water for boiling. People who cook regularly know that it is advisable not to keep the stove in full burner but in medium always. Mama kept it in full burner and is now busy thuruving the coconut with his back to the stove. Soon, there is a burning smell which has now reached the adjacent room where mami is checking her WhatsApp. Mama, though in the kitchen, hasn’t yet caught up with the burning smell, merrily drowned in Sanjay Sub’s Nalinakanthi now.

Mami: Enna aduppula kariyarathu? Adi pidikara smell varathu???

Mama by now realises that his deep diving into Manavyalakinchara has killed his Molagoottal and puts off the gas. Mami now has had enough of it.

Mami: Neenga samachathu ellam porum. Naane pannikiren. Neenga maarungo.

Multi-tasking is an art perfected by mamis into science.

She takes over the kitchen and makes good the Molagoottal with the partially burnt out vegetables etc.….  Salad is cut. One Puleeinji is also quickly added to the menu.  And pappadam is fried.

It’s time for lunch now and …

Mama: Enna, molagoottal’a uppu konjam kammi’ya irukku?

Pic Courtesy: Cinema Express

Vaccine Aayyacha?

The latest addition to conversation starters among Tambrahm mamas and mamis is “Vaccine Aayaacha?”  In fact, this is fast replacing the other popular and seasonal kusalam vicharikara questions like “Enna Soukiyama?” “Verenna Visesham?”, “Jathagam eduthaacha?”, “Maattu ponnukku ethavathu visesham unda?”, “Ganga Snanam aacha?” etc.… which have been ruling the Tambrahm conversations for a long time. But, as of now nothing else matters except the vaccine issue.

If by chance the answer to the “Vaccine aayaacha?” question is a “No”, then it is like the end of the world. “Ennathu… innum oru dose’a eduthukalaya? Naan rendu dosum correcta eduthundaachu.” For the mamas and mamis, the accompanying feeling is akin to getting the Engineering college seat for their kids. If the answer is yes, then the immediate question is of course, “Covishield’a, Covaxin’a?” This is similar to – “Unga pasanga Foreign’la irukaala, India’la irukaala?” question these days!

If the answer is “Covaxin”, then finished. “Covaxin’a? Yen atha potundel? Covaxin’a WHO approve’a pannalayaame innum…”  The other person has to hide is disappointment and frustration in facing this question repeatedly these days.  “Naanga Pona centre’la Covaxin thaan stock irunthathu. Pottundutten…”  And in some consolatory measure will add “Aana paarungo…. Namma Modi’ye Covaxin thaan potundaar.”

“Naan rendu dosum Covishield pottundathanaala, next year ennoda 2^nd ponnoda 1^st delivery’kku America pogarathukku onnum problem varaathu…” In one sentence, mama has now conveyed more than one point. That he took Covishield. He has taken both the doses. His one of the daughters is in America. That the daughter is in family way. And they will be travelling to America to help the daughter during the delivery! Covaxin mama, now feeling relieved to get a chance to change the topic of conversation, quips in. “Oh, congratulations! Very good, very good. Aachu illiya, kalyanam aagi oru naalu/anju varusham…?”  To this the Covishield mama, “Unga kitta mattum thaan cholli irukken. Mathavaa kitta ellam ippo cholla vendaam, kettela.” This is so typical of Tambrahm mamas and mamis. They themselves will let the “family way” news out and will then request not to tell others!

And the vaccine conversation continues. “Enna side effect ethavathu irunthutha? Enakku konjam body pain mattum irunthathu oru naalaikku.  Dolo edutha naala fever ellam varalai.” To this question, the Covaxin mama senses an upper hand. He emphasises that “Covishield’a compare panratha Covaxin’la side effect’e illai theriyumo? Enakku oru problem varalai…!”

“Ungaloda rendu dosum aayidutha…?” Now for the Covaxin mama, apart from the frustration of answering questions regarding Covaxin, he also has to deal with the fact that due to shortages in Covaxin, he has taken only his first dose. “Enga..? Athu thaan stock’e illiye… Second dose baaki…” But that lament doesn’t stop the unsolicited advice that comes his way – “Rendu dosum eduthukkara vara jaakarithaiyave irungo”

Then comes the Government Vs Private question.  This is similar to “Unga connection BSNL’a, Jio vaa?”  “Neenga enga poi potundel? Naan rendu dosum Apollo’la poi than pottunden”. The Covaxin mama feels an advantage here and declares, “Inga Bombay’la BMC centre la thaan naan potunden. Romba convenient’a irunthathu. Tea/Coffee, Biscuits ellam kudutha.  Excellent arrangements. Athuvum free. Apollo’ la 1000 Rs mela charge panni irupaane…?”  Then he gives a lesser known funda about vaccines. “Eppozhuthume vaccine’na government thaan better. Avaa kitta daily fresh stock irukkum. Polio/BCG vaccine’leye itha pathirukken.”

Now the score is tied at 2-2 between Covishield mama and Covaxin mama. Now the vaccine question extends to the family. “Aathula mami’kku vaccine aayidutha? Naanum wife’um ore samayathula pottukka vendaamnu 1 week gap’la eduthundom”. This is another chance for the Covaxin mama to rub it in. “Covaxin’la thaan side effect onnum kidayaathe… Naanum mamiyum chernthe vaccine eduthundom!

“Innum pasangalakku ellam vaccination aagala… Paiyannukku 1 dose baaki. Maattu ponnukku rendu dosum baaki… Intha Covishield’la rendu dosukkum nadupura gap’a jaasthi panni ore confusion pannitaa.  Oru madiri rendu dosum mudinja thaan konjam nimmadhiya irukkum”.  Covaxin mama joins the crib, “Vaccine shortage inga. Atha naala ellarum waiting. Namma minnaala summer vacationukku oorukku poga ticket book panrathukku railway counter’la wait pannuvome…  Counter open pannina 10 nimishathula… sleeper ellam poyidum.  Athu madiri aayaachu. Site open panni 10 second’ la slot ellam poyidarathu…  Cowin App’ kku badila “Coloss” app nnu per vechurukalaam. Colossal waste of time, I say! Intha App irukke, full’a OTP thaan. “Only Time Pass”!

For Covishield mami who is also listening to this conversation, this is the time for her to pitch in as well. “Intha madiri problem ellam America’la illave illai. En ponnu cholraale. Anga veetukku veedu vanthu kooptu kooptu vaccine podaraallam. Just intha Corona varathukku minaala December’la thirumbi vanthom. Illana ippo anga thaan irunthiruppom sugama.  Ithellam oru vazhiya mudinja thaan, adutha January’la yaavathu America pogalaam. This couple is presently in “Love America” stage in what I call as “Hate-Love-Hate cycle” as far as America is concerned. For more details on this cycle, please do read my earlier article “America poyirunthappo….!”

Now Covaxin mami will not let this go. “America’la vaccine certificate paper’la thaan tharaalaame. Inga romba convenient.  Vaccine pottunda odane, phone’leye anupichudaraa. Enna antha Modi photo’va avoid panni irukkalaam”.

Covishield mami of course has the last word or last laugh. “Ennavo pongo. Kali muthiduthu… Ippo Vaccination than romba mukkiyamaana qualification aayaachu.  Matrimonial advertisement’la kooda “Wanted Vadamal bride for my son” ‘kku bathila “Wanted Vaccinated bride for my son…” nnu vanthudum polarukku!”

On that note, Ungaloda Vaccine Aayaacha?

Aathu Visesham over Zoom!

This Corona Virus has turned the whole world upside down. Things we thought would never function this way have now become a daily routine. No, I am not talking about all of us being engaged in BJP (Bartan, Jhadu, Pocha) activities at home for more than 2 months now. For so many years, some conference calls in offices would happen over Zoom. Ippo, olagame, Zoom la thaan odindu irukku!

These days, from business meetings (which is understandable) to school sessions to college lectures to Violin classes to Yoga sessions to cookery classes to Bharatnatyam classes and finally even gym sessions are all happening over Zoom! Will aathu functions that are time bound which cannot be postponed for obvious reasons be left behind? So, functions like Seemandham, Thottil/Peridal, Aandu niravu… have already started happening over Zoom.  I haven’t still attended any visesham over Zoom yet. I was thinking what if a function like Aandu Niravu happened over Zoom and this piece is a result of that karpanai!

Few days before the function which is happening somewhere in Chennai:

Wife: Intha lockdown naala even ennoda appa, amma, anna, thangai ellam functionukku vara mudiyaathu.

Husband: En side lenthum thaan yaarum vara porathu illa.

Wife: Ellarukkum Zoom invite anupichacha? Oru rendu naalaiku appuram, oru reminder anupichudu!

Husband: First intha, WhatsApp list ukku ellam anupichachu. Appuram, naalaikulla E mail list ukkum anupichuduven.

Wife: Zoom callukku, oru password pottudu. Ippo ellam Zoom la lot of security concerns’nnu cholra.

Husband: Yes. Yes. Rohit.Anduniravu@123 nnu password create pannitten.

Wife: Namma cousins ellam o.k. But periyavaalluku, Zoom la eppadi log in panrathu and other steps – oru chinna note create panni WhatsApp la pottudu.

Husband: Ippo ellarum Zoom’ la expert. Unga Appa/Ammakku venna puthusa irukalaam. Anyway suggestion taken. I will make a note.

Wife: Namma Vadhyaaroda confirmation vanthudutha? He is coming no?

Husband: Yes. But oru Junior vaadhyaar paiyana thaan anupuvennu sollitaar. He doesn’t want to take risk with Senior Vadhyaars it seems.

Wife: Yaarai aavathu anupicha seri. Marakaama society la permission vaangidu, Vaadhyaarukku.

Husband: I am waiting for the name of the Vadhyaar and Aadhar number. Adhu vantha odane, societykku e-mail anupichuduven.

Wife: Ethukkum, oru onnarai litre sanitiser, 10 extra mask, 10 set gloves ellam innikku Amazon la order pannidu.

Husband: Ethukku? Iruka porathu namma 3 moonu perum, vaadhyaarum. Ethukku extra Sanitiser?

(Wife followed the usual SOP for functions of ordering extra milk – just that the milk got replaced by Sanitiser)

Now over to the day of the Aandu niravu:

Wife: Zoom’a ON panniyaacha?

Husband: Vaadhyaar varattum, panren.

One very young junior vaadhyar comes.

Husband: Vaadhyaar, vaango vaango. First time varrel. Veedu kandu pidikarathukku onnum problem illiye.

Vaadhyaar: Onnum prachinai illai. Lockdown aanaalum google map work panrathe. Onga society thaan romba strict’a irukaale.

Husband: Yen, enna aachu?

Vaadhyaar: Phone la Aarogya Setu App iruntha thaan ulla viduvennu security sollitaan. Nalla valai. Rendu naa munaadi thaan, namma Modi solraar’nnu download panni vechen. Athula ‘Safe” nnu kaamichapparam thaan ullaye vittaan!

Husband: Sari, aarambipoma? Ellarum kaathundu iruppa.

Vaadhyaar: Enna manusha ellam Zoom la varaala? Ippo ella functionnum appadi thaan nadakarathu. Zoom aarambikarathukku munnaadi ungalakuu panjagachatha katti vitudaren. Atha ellarum paakka vendaame!

Husband: Ella Vadhyaar madiriyum romba tamasha pesarel. Sari, katti vittudungo.

When everything is set:

Vaadhyaar: Mama, Naazhi aayindurukku. Zoom’a start pannidungo. Namma 40 nimishathula ellathayum mudichu aaganum. Illa nna, call’a cut panniduvaan.

Husband: Cut aayiduthunna, ellarayum thirumba log in panna cholli irukken.

The Zoom call for the function starts:

From different parts of the world, in different time zones, birthday paiyanoda Thatha- Thathis/Paattis, Mama-Mamis, Athai-Athimbars, Chitti-Chittappas, Perimma-Periappas, many cousins and even one Kollu paatti have now logged in for the Aandu niravu.

The next few minutes,  a cacophony ensues:

Hi Amma, hello mama, namaskaram athimbar, Hi Cheenu etc etc

Naan pesarathu kekarathaa ungalukku?

Appa, neenga video’va ON pannungo, Blank’a irukku

Raghu, nee mute la irukka. Onnum kekka mattengarathu.

Cheenu, anga konjam light bright’aa aakku. Paatikku onnum theriyalennu cholraa!

Oru vazhiyaa, ellam settle aagarathukku oru 15 minutes aayiduthu.

Finally Vaadhyaar takes charge and starts.

Vaadhyaar: Appo Aarambikalama?  Naan pesarathu ellarukkum kekaratho illiyo? Ellarum ippo WFH’nnu Work From Home la irukkel. Ithu AFH – Attend From Home. Ithukku sila vidhi murai ellam irukku. Ellarum mute la irungo. Naan cholarathai gavanama kettu seiyungo. Chat’la pesindu irukapadathu.

Mami neenga vanthu ippadi vilakka yethungo.

Appadiye camera’va paathu rendu perum oru namaskaram pannidungo.  Camera East facing thaane?? Avaa avaa iruntha padiye, ivaalukku aasirvaadham pannidungo.

Thatha: Intha chinnavaal ellam settha antha pakkama nillungo. Namaskaaram panratha kurukka vara padathu!

While the function is going on in the Chennai house, others are in mute for now and having their own animated conversations.

Wife’s mother: Namma Cheenu voda Appa (Referring to the Sambandi) Veshti kattindu irukalamonno? Innikkum oru ara korai, shorts pottundu nikkaraare?

Wife’s father: Athukenna ippo. Zoom call thaane. Naanum oru shorts pottundu comfortable’a irukalamnnu thaan yosichen. Apparam, namma paatti paathanna kathuvaannu veduppa veshtiya kattindu irukken!

Kollu Paatti: Enna ithu, namma Raghu voda ponnu rendu perum oru pottu kooda ittu kaama, viseshathukku vanthu irukka?

Yarathu? Naalum kizhamaiyuma karuppu poo potta nightie’la? (Kollu paatti at this age has sharp eyes to identify all this, that too on the computer screen)

Mama: Avaalukku US’la ippo thoongara neram. Rendu ponnum chamathu ponnugal aakkum.

Athimbar: (Un-muting himself) – Vaadhyar, sankalpathula mandiratha maranthuttel. Konjam thirupi chollungo. (Muting himself)  Intha chinna pasangale ippadi thaan. Mandirangalai poora padikarathu kidaayaathu. Appo appo muzhunga vendiyathu!

In the meantime, younger cousins are chatting on the Zoom chat window!

In between, exactly after 40 minutes, Zoom cuts off the call and everyone had to re-join. Once again, audio kekaratha, video correcta irukka followed and the function resumed.

As part of the Aandu niravu function, the aayush homam starts.

Mama from Palakkad: Zoom la oru advantage. Homam aarambicha oda vendiyathu illa. Enakku pogai naale allergy!

Finally, the Vaadhyaar announces the Aashirvadham part.

Vaadhyaar: Periyavaa ellarum kaiyila konjam atchadaiya eduthukongo. Naan chollum pothu, phone camera meleyo, computer camera meleyo, atchadaiya pottu aasirvadham pannungo. Rendu atchadai porum. Alli pottu camerava damage panna vendaam.

After that is over:

Vaadhyaar: Ellarum anga anga iruntha padiye enna kudukarelnnu kaamichurungo, naan inga mandiratha chollikaren. Corona ellam mudinja udane marakaama, anupichudungo!

Rojano rojamaanasya, Shobano shobamaanasya kalyanaha… Thatha-Paati vagai aasirvadham kuzhandaikku oru swarna maalai,…,…

Chittappa-Chitti vagai aasirvadham , paiyannukku 1000 roobaai Amazon voucher!

And so on…

Vaadhyar: Appadiye kozhandaiyoda athaiyum, mamiyuma iruntha edathulenthe arathi eduthudungo! Paatum paadanam. 

With the Achaarya Sambavanai, the Zoom function comes to an end.

Cousin: (In a lighter vein) Cheenu, Appo saapaadu ellam??

Husband: Just wait pannungo. Lunch is ready. Inga irunthe, swamikku neivedyam panra maadiri, praanaya swaha pannidiren ungalukku! 

Vaadhyar: Sari, appo naan kalambaren. Enakku oru Zoomandham sorry Seemandham nadathi kudukka irukku, aduthathu!

Lockdown paduthara paadu!

The usually chatty and eventful day in the life of Tambrahms have become chattier and more eventful during these lockdown days.

“Innikku menu enna?” – Even during normal days, as I have written in one of my earlier posts, this is one phrase which will get the goat of mamis at Tambrahm households often.  Ippo kekave vendaam.  Due to the lockdown, mamis who usually manage the menu time table very efficiently using complex algorithmic formula that has been handed over by their ammas, are at sea in the past few weeks. Due to non-availability or shortage of key groceries and provisions, ivalavu varshama use pannindu iruntha technique ellam onnuthukkum ubayogam illaama poyiduthu!

“Oru ravai mattum aathula stock iruntha, ethara easy theriyumo? Kaarthala tiffinukku Upma oru naal, rava idli oru naal nnu pannalaam. Appadiye ravaiya vechu Pongalum pannalaam. Upma va konjam maathi oru naal Rava kichidinnu thatti vidalaam.  Apparam raathiri palagarathukku rava dosai panni oru naal samaalichudalaam. Apparam, saayangaalam enna tiffinnnu mama kekarache, rava kesariyum pannalaam! Intha ravai illaama thindaattama irukku. Intha essential items la first ravaiya manufacture panna cholli, supply panna thodanganam”! This was a mami talking to her friend who is stuck in Florida now. “Neenga yen kekarel? South Indian items ellaam inga Indian stores’la out of stock! Rava mattum illai, oru saamaan inga stock illa! India vula Ponni arisi, puzhungal arisi ithellam ungalukku kidaikume? Maava araichu vechutta idli, doasai nnu kadaiya ottalaam. Bread’a thinnu thinnu aluthu poyaachu, mami!”

Not only Rava. There are other such “God sent” items like Aval… which are also on short supply, making the life of the mami tougher. Conversations like these are common at Tambrahm households these days:

Mama: Innikku menu enna?

Mami: Kaalangaarthala ezhuntha udane, intha kelviya engitta kekka dheengo. Athu thaan T.N. Seshan yetho sonnaaraame. Palakkad Iyers are either good cooks or crooks nnu? Naan ithu vara neenga cook panni paathathu illai. Samayala pathi vaai kizhiya pesarathoda sari! Oru naal neenga samayungalen.

Mama: Enna ippadi sollitta? Antha kaalathula enga kovil Annual Sastha preetikku enga thatha Parameshwara Iyeroda paal payasuthukkunne manusha varuvaa!

Mami: Intha kathaiya engitta oru 101 praavisyam cholli iruppel. Naan unga thatha va pathi kekalai. Unga appavum nanna paayasam veppar. Naan paathirukken.  Ongala pathi kekaren.

Mama: Ippo enna? Enna menu nnu thane ketten? Etha panrayo pannu.

The fact is many mamas are good at basic level cooking. Some have passed advanced grade also. But there are many, who, even if they don’t know to cook, will get very high marks in theory!

“Samalaya pathi vakkanaiya pesuvaar engaathu mama. Ellam therinju vechundu, en uyira vaanguvaar, intha manushan”, I have often heard this from many mamis!

Once the menu is finalised somehow, looking at what is available and what is not and all, the next question which creates additional head ache for the mami is “Thottukka enna?”

Mami: Tifinnukku Idli panni vechurukken. Vanthu eduthukongo.

Mama: Idli ya? Thottukka enna?

Mami: Idli panrathe perisu intha samayathula. Ithula thottukka enna vereya? Irukkara molaga podiya thottundu chaapidungo. Kalyana aathu tiffin madiri Chutney, Sambhar, Molaga podi, Gotsu’nnu varietya ellam ippo panna mudiyaathu. Irukaratha kazhiyungo!

Mama: (Mind voice) Yetho matha nalla ellam romba variety’a pannina madiri!

As you are aware, thanks to lockdown, most of the mamas are now WFH. WFH nna Working From Home illai. Anyway, retired aayache. Because the maid servants are not coming, they are now “Working For Home” in addition to their WhatsApping From Home!

So in the morning, once the Coffee is over, mama Shanka Chakra Gada Pani madiri, oru kaiyula thodappam, innoru kayila Mop stick, naduvula moramuma veetta clean panrennu does his bit these days in cleaning the house. As per mami, in normal days, the same Shanka Chakra Gada Pani mama will have mobile phone in one hand, TV remote in another and US Ponnu vaangi kudutha I-pad in between while sipping his filter Kaapi on and off.

Though the cleaning effort and the helping hand of the mama are commendable, mami is anxious to know when the government will start allowing non-essential goods to be sold. Yenna, mama cleaning aarambichathulenthu, shopping panrathukku list perisaayinde irukku. So far, in the past 4 weeks the score is 5 wickets sorry 4 items down. Mop stick rendeyum udachachu. Thudaikara bucket handle poyaachu. Vilakku maar – naar naar’aa vanthundu irukku. Paathiram thekkara Scotch Brite onnu micham illai.  Ithellam udane vaangiye aaganum.

The other day, when mami was having a WhatsApp video call with her friend, the friend mami said, “Enna mami, unga aathu floor oda shining enakku inga theriyarathe!” Mama overheard this and the result was the breaking of the mop stick. Not just one. But the second one which was kept for standby purposes also in an attempt to impress mami further!

Just like everyone else now, mamas and mamis are craving for the day when the lockdown will be fully lifted and life can go back to normal. Some of the laments of the mamas include:

Oru walkingukku kooda poga mudiyaama, veettaye evalavu naalaikku suthi vanthindu irukarathu?

Oru Kovilukku poi ethara naal aayachu? Intha varsham namma kovilla bhagavatha sapthaham ellam miss panni aachu!

Aryaas hoteloda Nei roast, masala vadaiyoda taste’a maranthu poyaachu!

Adutha vaaram Sabha vila Sanjay Subramanyam kacheri irunthathu – athuvum cancel!

Oru kalyanam, karthigainnu onnuthukkum poga mudiyama aayachu. Inime oru varshathukku veeta vittu engeyum eranga mudiyathu!

Innaikku Trissur Pooram kodiyettukku oru manusha illai! Ennoda Jeevithathula itha parupen’nnu naan vijaarikave illai!

Intha China kaaran eduthu vitta virus naala, logam enna paadu padarathu paathiyo?

Naan decide panni aachu, inime China voda oru product naan vaanga porathu illa! Vera entha country product aanaalum o.k. But, China never!

Neenga enna decide panni irukkel?

 

Image courtesy: Webdunia

With’ aa? Without’ aa??

In any Tambrahm function whether it is a simple Aandu Niravu or a grand Kalyanam, one question you are most likely no, no…. you will definitely encounter just as you enter the hall is – Kaapi kudichela?  Not just once. First time paakaravaa ellam athe thirumba thirumba keppa!

Kaapi aayacha?

Nere kaapi kazhichuttu vanthurungo!

Luggage ellam apparam vechukalaam. Kaapi mudichuttu vanthurungo!

And so on.

Here Kaapi refers not just the Coffee drink but actually the breakfast.

If you arrive into a function in the evening, the above sequence repeats itself – and there the Kaapi refers to probably Coffee and evening snacks!

That Coffee occupies a very exalted position in the life of Tambrahms need not be elaborated at all.  In this Thanks giving week, if Kaapi has to extend its vote of thanks, it should first Kovil katti kumbudu pottu thank Tambrahms and then it should thank Jerry Baldwin, Zev Siegl and Gordon Bowker (Starbucks founders pa) for its continued reign in the world!

While in the subject of Kaapi and Tambrahm functions, the next most familiar question one will encounter throughout the span of the function is – With’ aa? Without’ aa?

I don’t even have to explain this because, in Tambrahm circles, this is a very, very familiar and common question. Many Tambrahms – mamas and mamis alike, mainly due to family history and or dietary pattern and or rather deskbound lifestyle are afflicted with Diabetes. And hence after a particular age, many of them shun sugar in all forms.  So, they give up on sweets and even in functions resist temptations to taste that odd Jaangiri and paayasam! Or just oru tastukkunnu mattum nnu arai glass kudikarathu! However, in the case of Kaapi, there is no giving up there. So, in Tambrahm functions you will always have the option of Coffee “with” sugar and Coffee “without” sugar!

Nowadays in most Tambrahm functions Coffee is served in a separate “live” Coffee counter instead of serving along with breakfast or tiffin itself. This I think is mainly to manage the logistics of “with/without” options apart from of course being able to prepare fresh Kaapi and serve.  But, there is a flip side to this as I heard in one of the functions recently. ‘Enna anaalum, antha dosai/idli and molaga podi taste naakula irukaratheye chuda, chuda kaapi kudichaa, athu vera feeling. Once, intha vaaya alumbittu, apparama kaapi kudicha, athu vera taste aayidarathu!’

Around the “live” coffee counter, around the topic of “with” and “without” one can hear a combination of requests going to the poor Coffee mama!  Like:

Coffee Mama: With’ aa? Without’ aa??

Mama 1: With, With thaan!

Mama 2: Enakku oru Without!

Mami 1: Naan usually Without thaan. Aanaa innikki low sugar. Athanaale With’ e irukattum!

Mama 3: Chakkarai pottu oru nalla coffee chaapttu romba naalaachu! Mami pakkathula illiye? With’ e kudungo!

Mami 2: Enakku Without’ e kuduthurungo. Konjama naane chakkarai pottukaren!

Mama 4: Enakku sugar irukku. Aanaa coffee mattum sugar illaama kudikka mudiyaathu! With’ e kalanthudungo!

Mama 5: ‘With’ thaan. Aanaa chakkarai konjama podungo. Rendu moonu spoon pottuttu enna naalaikku ‘Without’ aa aakidaathengo!

Mami 3: Chaaya nna ‘Without’ kudikka mudiyaathu! Kaapi ‘Without’ kudikalaam! ‘Without’ ‘e kuduthurungo!

Mama 6: Enakku With’ um, Without ayaum mix panni kuduthudungo!  Appo thaan sugar correctaa irukkum! 

Mama 7: ‘With’ thaan! Aanaa chakkarai vendaam. Naatu chakkarai irukka??? Iruntha atha pottu kudungo!

Coffee Mama: Mama, Naatu chakkarai ellaam illa. Neenga ‘Without’ aa ve kudingo!

And so on!

And you can hear more conversations around this very important ‘With’ aa? Without’ aa?? topic:

Mama 1: Neenga With’ aa?  Without’ aa?
Mama 2: Enakku ithu varai ‘Without’ nilamai vanthathu illa! ‘With’ thaan! Ennikku ‘Without’ aagaratho, annikku logathhu lenthe pack up panna vendiyathu thaan!

Mama 1: Ennakku ellam 40 vayasulenthe ‘Without’ thaan! Athukku enna solrel? Ithellam appadiye manage panna vendiyathu thaan!

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Mama 1: Enna mama, neenga ‘Without’ aa? Nethikku paayasam rendu moonu glass vaangi kudichindu irunthele?

Mama 2: Chatthama pesaantheengo! Wife kaadula vizha porathu! Apparam oru vaarathukku aathula sahasranaama archanai thaan!

 ———————————————————————————————————

Mama 1: Enna mama? Neenga ‘Without’ aache? Innikku enna sugaroda kaapi kudikarel?

Mama 2: Naan 15 varushama ‘Without’. Ippo 6 maasama intha Patanjali diabatic tablet maathiraiyum, Yoga vum pannindu irukken. Ippo ‘With’ aayitten!

———————————————————————————————————–

Mama 1: Oru 6 Kaapi kudungoppa, vadhyaarmargalukku. Athula 2 “With’, 3 ‘Without’, 1 konjama ‘With’!!!

——————————————————————————————————-

Mami 1: Neenga With’ aa? Without’ aa??

Mami 2: Without thaan. Aana pona vasa America porache, anga ‘Stevia’ nnu oru natural chakkarai substitute en paiyan vaangi kuduthaan. Athu thaan use panren ippo. Oru 6 masathula oru thadavai vanthurum.

 ————————————————————————————————————

Mama 1: Neenga ‘With’ aa? Without’ aa??

Mama 2: Veetula ‘Without’! Veliyila ‘With’!

Mama 1: Athu yen appadi?

Mama 2: Veliyile ‘Without’ nna – konjam vayasu koodaraapla irukku.

Mama 1: Athanaala enna ippo? Health thane mukkiyam?

Mama 2: Health’ aa ? Neenga etha chollarel? Naan ‘pal set’ a patthi pesindu irukken!

Mama 1: Naasamaa pochu? Naan Kaapiya pathi ketten!!!!!

Aamaam, neenga With’ aa? Without’ aa???