Karan Johar and Tambrahm Weddings!

Tambrahm Kalyanams have come a long way. The profile of the weddings, the way they are organised, ithyaathi ithyaathi have all undergone a massive transformation. There was a time when we were kids (I am in my 50s now) marriages were conducted at our illams in Kerala. All arrangements from Pandal to pachakkari purchase to arranging milk to Chamayal to Nadaswaram to Vaadhyar to Dress purchase to Batshanam were all arranged by the family members themselves. There was wholehearted support from the local community as well in many things like cutting vegetables and serving etc… I remember as kids even we were given some sundry tasks like taking note of vessels and counting chairs when they were unloaded.  For easy reference and understanding, I am calling this the Galatta Kalyanam because there were a lot of unfolding galattas at each stage of the kalyanam.

Then came the next phase probably from the 80s which I call as the phase of Contract Kalyanams.  Pioneered and popularised from Coimbatore by Krishna Vaadhyar, the concept quickly spread all over like wildfire. In Contract Kalyanam 1.0, it was only the Catering and Vaideeham that were outsourced. But slowly everything else like Nadaswaram, Photo/Videographer/Kolam podara mamis, Vaazha maram/Pandakaal arranging etc got included. Marriage caterers soon became Marriage contractors. This is in Contract Kalyanam 2.0. I must say here with Kalyanams moving from Galatta to Contract mode, the fun element slowly started receding and Tambrahm weddings became like corporate events where the conducting family, relatives and friends all attended the wedding as “guests”.  This phase of Contract Kalyanam has been in vogue for a long stretch of 30-40 years but in the last few years, we are seeing another transformation.

In this current phase, the Galatta element is back but in a different form and in a sense, it is Galatta Kalyanam. And it is still Contract Kalyanam because almost everything is still outsourced but with a twist. So how are Tambrahm weddings being conducted now? Those who had the opportunity to organise weddings in their families recently or attended a wedding of their close relative/s will be able to relate to what I am going to explain.

Tambrahm weddings are back to the old days of tension and pressure for the family. But the cause for the tension and pressure is not about reasons of the past like – Chaapaadu nanna irukkanum. Chaapaadu nanna illaina, ellaarum adhaye lifelong cholli kaattuva.  Kalyanam annikku paal correct’a nerathukku varumaa? Bandh/Hartal onnum irukaathe.  Maapillai party vara train 3 manikoorukku mela late aagaathe etc etc. These days the worries and the tension continue but at a different level.

• The first tension is about the timely arrival of the boy and the girl for the kalyanam. Kalyana date ellam fix panniyaachu. Innum ponnukkum, payyanukkum leave confirm aagalainnu cholra… Yetho US ’la kalyana samayathula version release irukkaam. Rendu perum busyaana neramnnu chollindu irukkaa. Rendu perum vara mudiyaati, Kalyanatha Zoom la nadatha vendiyathu thaan.
• Next is to get right a very important person. In the past, one of the most important decisions to make for the parents is the choice of the caterer. But now for the girl’s parents, more than the contractor or the wedding planner which is sort of easy to decide based on references, the important decision to make is the choice of the beautician. Intha beautician’a fix panrathukulla porum porum’nnu aayiduthu. Insta’ la check panni decide pannu’nnu Californiavila okkaanthundu order panraa my daughter! These are the usual laments of the girl’s parents these days.  Then there are other demands – Nalla Star ratings irukkanum. Google’a feedback nanna irukkanum. Organic products thaan use pannanum. (It is another matter that everyone claims to use only Organic products). Products ellam Hypoallergenic’a irukkapadaathu etc etc.
• Third – the Photo/Videographer and the events guy. More than the guy who covers the regular function (called the traditional cameraman), the candid photographer is most important as he has to capture a lot of candid moments of the couple, the parents, relatives and friends. Quickly after the wedding, the videographer should be able to give a short 10-12 minute “highlights” video that is short enough to be shared with family and friends on WhatsApp without getting sliced. The fact is, no one except the family which spent money on conducting the wedding has the patience to watch 3-4 hours long coverage of the kalyanam. He should also provide “Shots” and “Reels” which can be shared on Insta and FB by the couple and relatives with hashtags in the level of #Virushkawedding or #Saifeena. But the most important is of course the paduthal called “Pre-Wedding” shoot!
• The next thing that gives the parents and relatives a lot of tension before the kalyanam these days is “Practice”. Those days, the only practice required was for madisaar and panjakacham But these days, it is the singing and dance practice. Almost all Tambrahm weddings have the Sangeet event these days in which the bride, groom, both sides’ parents and relatives in different age groups perform. Gone are the days of getting away with the “Sivaji Ganesan walk” or the standard “Amitabh Bachchan step” and calling it a dance.  These days everyone has to dance in sync as per the choreographer’s steps. It is another matter that despite all these most Tambrahm mamas cannot dance to save their lives while the mamis manage to dance with grace.
• Then comes another important thing which is getting the blouses and other dresses stitched on time. Those days, before the marriage, friends and relatives dropped into the bride’s or the groom’s house for what is called as “Kalyanam Vicharikal” during which the pattu podavais and other purchases were shown. These days, there is little scope for this because the purchase of clothes happens till the last minute.  Sample this conversation:
  • Mami 1: (Over Phone from US) Pattu Podavai purchase ellaam aayaacha? Enga WhatsApp le appadiye kaamingo.
  • Bride’s mother mami: Adhai yen kekkaraai? Ponnum, payyanum avaale paathu vaangikarom’nnu chollitaa. Colour co-ordinate panraalaam. Avaalukku velaiya vittu time kidaccha thaane…
  • Mami 1: Oh, is it? Nee podavai eduthaacha? Enna colour muhurthathukku?
  • Bride’s mother mami: Ponnu eduthaparam thane naan edukka mudiyum. Ella sessionukkum colour co-ordinate pannanum’nu vera cholli irukkaa ponnu. Adha naala enakkum podavai edukka mudiyalai.
  • Mami 1: Late aanaa blouse ellam eppadi thechu kidaikkum? En paiyyan kalyanathukku tailor 3 blousukku 3 maasam eduthundaan.
  • Bride’s mother mami: Chonna aaru kekkara? Ithu periya tension’aa irukku. Ithula vera Kanjipuram poi directa’ thari la vaangina antha weaversukku benefit’aa irukkum’nnu vera ponnu chollaraa. Ithukellam ippo enga time?
  • Mami 1: Receptionukku enna dress? Podavai thaane illa Gown madiriyaa?
  • Bride’s mother mami: Ippo ellam Gown thaane ellarum podaraa receptionukku. Naanum oru Sharara thechukalaam’nnu irukken. Athukku minnala, konjam weight’a kuraikanum. Ithu oru periya tension’a irukku.
  • Mami 1: Slim’a iruntha thaan, Sharara ellam nanna suit aagum.
  • Bride’s mother mami: Gents’ukku intha prachanaiye illai. Oru Kurta Pyjama vaangi pottunda porum. Gundaa irunthaalum, Slim’a irunthaalum suit aayidum. Sangeet vera irukku. Athukku Lehenga stitch panna oru 2 maasam aagum. Ore Tension’aa irukku.
  • Mami 1: By the by, naan pona weekend Bay Area’la PS2 paaka porache, unnoda ponnayum, Would be yayum paathen. Avaalum vanthiruntha.  En payyanum, unnoda would be maapillaiyum CISCO’la Ex-Collegues’aam. (Mind voice: Time illennu cholrathellam chumma)
  • Bride’s mother mami: Oh Appadiya… Rendu perukkum Tamil padam – athuvum Mani Ratnam Padam’naa romba pidikkum. Vida maataa.

Namma time madiri illa. Hall lenthu retun gift varaikkum naanga thaan decide pannuvom’nnu cholraa.  As parents, we are just ATMs! Anga avaa enjoy pannindu irukka. Namma thaan inga tension’la irukkom.

Tambrahm weddings from being simple, staid functions are becoming like the Big Fat Punjabi weddings. The credit for this I guess must go to filmmaker Karan Johar who in films (some directed and some produced) popularised Punjabi weddings so much that even the usually dour Tambrahms have taken to them. That’s why after the Galatta Kalyanams and Contract Kalyanams, Tambrahm Kalyanams have become Karan Joharised Shaadis!

Pic Credit: Quirkyinvitations.com

Yaaru Caterer?

Typically in Tambrahm households, there was a time when you will be faced with a barrage of questions on your return from a function like kalyanam from those who couldn’t or didn’t attend the same. The questions were like:

Yarellam vanthiruntha?

Mandapam sowriyama irunthutha?

Kalayanathukku naduvila mazhai onnum peyyalaiye?

Payyan side manusha eppadi?

Kalyana arrangements ellam eppadi irunthuthu?

Evalavu peru vanthiruppa?

Saapaadu ellam eppadi irunthuthu?

Receptionukkku flute kacherinnu potturunthuthe… eppadi irunthuthu?

Mask ellam potturunthaallo? Social distancing ellam eppadi? (Ithu of course oru varushama thaan Corona kaingaryam)

Nowadays there is only one pertinent question being asked. That is:

Yaaru Caterer?

It seems everything else don’t matter.

So much so, the decision whether to attend the kalyanam or not depends on who the caterer is. In fact, when the kalyana pathirigai comes, people do not shy away from asking – “Yaaru Caterer?” and on hearing the answer – “Oh Nirmalyam’a? Kandippa varuven!”

More so, after Corona it’s been a long while since people attended family weddings and other functions. So accordingly the opportunities to eat a proper kalyana saapaadu have also dwindled drastically.

Mama: “Intha Corona naala vaaikku rujiya oru nalla saapaadu saaptu romba naalaachu….

Mami: Yen, naanga samaikarathu ellaam vaaikku rujiya illiyo???

Mama: Illa illa Kalyana saapaadunnu solla vanthen…

Mami: Manasukulla irukarathu thaan velila varum…

Mama: (Mind voice) Aamaamaam.

So now that Corona situation is getting better with double vaccination and all… all are very eager to attend weddings and functions.

Nowadays even Tambrahm kalyanams have become almost like Punjabi shaadis replete with Mehendi function, Sangeet, Baraat, Bidaai and what not…  Slowly, like Punjabi weddings, the arrangement for the wedding is handed over to a wedding/event planner. But in Tambrahm weddings, the caterer doubles up as the wedding planner or the caterer handles all the saapaadu/bakshanam/seeru etc. while the wedding planner takes care of the other extracurricular activities.  In both these cases, what matters to most is “Yaaru Caterer?”

In order to address this most pertinent question, many have started including the name of the caterer in the invitation card itself.

If in those days, kalyana invitation cards included names of Nadaswaram party and details of kutcheris for the Reception, these days it is the turn to put out the name of the caterer boldly. Of course this is a double edged sword. If the caterer is of high repute, you can expect 25% more crowd for the function. And if the caterer is not known so well, you can expect the attendance to be less.

In different cities, there are caterers who are ranked among the Tambrahm community for their delivery and execution. So the moment the caterer’s name is told, mamas and mamis can make up in their mind how the food and other related arrangements would be.  This is very much like the database which comes in a scene in the Tamil film “Boys”.  In that scene Senthil will list the day wise/ session wise Prasadam schedule in the various temples in and around Chennai and claim that it is an important database he manages and continues to update regularly. Likewise, some mamas maintain a database of City wise caterers ranked from the top. Not just that, the database also includes which caterer is good for which type of food and even which particular item.  I know of a friend mama who has all this info in his tips or rather tongue.

Bombay Ramanioda laddoo nanna irukkum

Previous day breakfastukku elai adai – ithu namma Mumbai Nirmalyam caterers’oda speciality.

Chennai’la Chellappa oda kalyana main saapaadu romba joraa irukkum. Paavam Corona vila poyitaar.

Antha kaalathula Kochi Manioda chakka pradaman’a adichukka mudiyaathu.

Tiffinla variety’nna Rajasekhar.  Aanaa ippo Bombaya vida Chennai thaan concentration…

Coimbatore’la ella catererskume ore all thaan palahaaram ellam supply. Oru factory madiri nadathindu irukka.

Since the next gen Tambrahm weddings are beginning to happen in the US, you will find the data base being updated with caterers from there also like

Antha kaalathula writer Chaavi Washingtonil thirumanam’nnu joke’a ezhuthinaar. Ippo athuve sarva saadaranam aayidithu…

Chembur Jayaramanoda payyan Sydney’la branch aarambichirukaan. Romba nanna panraannu kelvi.

Bay Area la Mylapore Express nanna irukku.

And for those who don’t get to attend the function, the point of interest is the menu. Nowadays, most caterers also put out the session wise menu. And enthusiastic mamas while clicking pictures of the function, also click pictures of the menu cards and keep posting in family groups to verupethufy their mamis  who couldn’t attend.

Mami: Inga enna avaroda vayasaana ammava paathukka chollittu avar anga ennadaanna vellaa vellaikku menuva photo eduthu pottundu irukaar. Breakfastukku Kasi Halwavum and Night la dinnerukku Chola Batura’vuma thingarathu… Apparum Cholesterol control’e aaga mattengarathu’nnu solla vendiyathu…

Not just for Kalyanams, knowing well in advance who the caterer is, is important for music Kutcheris also. During the Music season in Chennai, the decision to attend whose Kutcheri in which Sabha also depends on who the Sabha’s aasthaana caterer is, that year.

Mama 1: “Almost 2 years’kku apparam, Sanjay Subramanyathoda live kutcheri nethikku Narada Gana Sabha’la…

Mama 2: Athaan paathene. Avare, thannoda kutcheri Song list’oda “Canteen by Arusuvai team” nnum pottutaare!

Ongaathu adutha functionukku Yaaru Caterer? Enna athu thaan romba mukkiyam. Because that is what is most important 🙂

Corona mudinju 1st Kalyanam!

It’s been almost six months now since Corona struck India. This also means that its six months since most of us attended any kalyanam, kaarthi in person. For Tambrahm mamas and mamis, it is a record which they would never like to boast of or want to repeat.  So hearing laments like these are common these days during phone conversations:

“Oru kalyanama? Kaarthiyaa? Corona vanthaalum vanthuthu, aathuleye adanju kidanthindu irukkom!”

“Antha pachai gopura border podavai puthusa vaangi vechen. Use panrathukku chance’e illama poyiduthu!

“Bank locker la irukara pandam ellam use panni maasangal aagarathu”

 “Oru vaaikku rujiyaa saddhi chappttu etthara kaalam aayaachu…?” (This of course is mama’s mind voice)

For most mamas and mamis who are retired and are now in the senior citizen bracket and mostly living alone, aathu functions are the only avenue to socialise, meet people and re-charge!  That joy has been deprived now, thanks to Corona.

In the meantime, some of them did get the experience of attending Kalyanams, Seemandhams Aandu niravus etc On line through live streaming/Zoom… I had written about the same in my earlier post – “Aathu vishesham over Zoom!” If you have not read it, please do read the same here.  Eppadi mute panrathu, eppo video’va cut panrathu, entha angle’ la phone vekarathu, Eppadi correct’a camera’va paathu atchathai podarathu… ippadi elllam athu padi.

“Enna thaan live streaming aanaalum, nera attend panni, ellarayum meet panni, vambu pesindu, nalla saddhiyum chapattu vantha madiri varuma?” All mamas and mamis are desperate to attend a family function in person once the corona is dead and gone.

So, what will happen post Corona and life gets back to normal (whenever that is), in all Tambrahm families when the 1^stkalyanam happens? This post is a chinna karpanai about that.

First of all, the 1^st kalyanam in the family post corona will have a huge attendance as everyone will use the opportunity to attend that wedding. Aachanukku peechaan, madanikku udapiranthaannu ellarum varuvaa to bless the couple.  Caterer kitta oru 25 -30% number normal’a vida yethi chollanam. Return gift ellam konjam jaasthi vaangi vechukanam. Hall’e konjam perisaa paakanam.  Overall budget konjam jaasthi plan pannikanum!

And some of the scenes and conversations at the venue (say in Cochin) be like:

Mama 1: Vaango vaango! Ippo thaan corona ellam illiye. Katti pidichundu welcome pannalaam. Vaango! Nera appadiye poi kaapi kazhinchudungo!

Mama2: Aamamaam. Namma Kochi Mani yoda, kaapi kudichu etthara naal aachu. Athukapparam thaan ellam!

 Mami1: Vaango Vaango Mami. Mask’oda vanthirukkel. Ethukku ippo mask ellam? Athu thaan Corona ellam aayache?

Mami2: Illa irukkara podavaikku ellaam matching’a blouse oda, mask ayum thechu vechundiruken. Use pannalaamennu thaan! Apparam innamum konjam jaakrathaiya irukarathu nallathu thaane. Naan kayila oru sanitiser bottle’um vechundu irukken!

Mami1: Minna ellam, intha America returned aal kaara thaan kayila sanitiser bottle vechuppa India varathha. Ippo intha Corona naale namma ellarum vechukum padiya aayidithu!

Mama1: 10 maasam kazhinju oru kalyanam attend panrathu ennakku record aakkum.

Mama2: Naan ennoda marumaan’oda pullai’yoda kalyanam attend panninen. Corona samayathileye panneutta.  Naanga oru 50 per mattum irunthom.

Mama1: Entrance’la panneerukku bathilaa sanitiser thelichurupaale? (Laughs to his own joke)

Mama2: Ellarukkum kaiyila oru bottle sanitiser kuduthutta. Ennakku Veshti Thundukku bathila Vashti, Mask kadachuthu! Hall’a normal’a starters serve panrathukku 10 per chuthindu iruppaale… athu madiri sanitiser vechindu oru 5 per hall’a chutthi chutthi vanthindu irunthaa! 

Mama1: Enna Rajamani? Innikku kalyanathoda live streaming unda??

Mama2: Athu thaan. Ellarum nera varalaame. Apparaum ethukku antha chelavu?

Mama1: Illa, Coronakku apparum athu oru fashion. Kozhanthaikku kaapu katarathuna kooda, FB Live, Live streaming’nnu aayiduthu! 

Mama1: Unakku therinjutho lliyo. Namma Kolankarai Ramachan paavam Corona’vila poyittaan.

Mama2: News Kidachuthu. Avanakku matha complaint ethavathu irunthutho?

Mama1: Avanukku vayasu 50 thaan. Namma ellam thapichom. Antha Guruvurappan thaan kaapathinaan.

Mama1: Apparam ennikku palakkadukku return? Innikevaa?

Mama2: Illai. Naan ingirunthu Mankombukku poi, ellaraiyum paathuttu, kovilla nerchai ellam mudichuttu 4 nalaikku apparam thaan return. Ernakulam varaikum vanthathukku, ellathayum cover pannalaam illiya. Neenga eppo return Bangalore’ukku?

Mama1: US lenthu en periya payyan family’oda vanthirukkaan. Avaalukku Kumarakom paakanumaam. Resort yetho book panni irukka. Anga oru 2 night irunthuttu apparam return.

Mama2: Kumarakom ippo world famous aayaachu! Namma kutti kaalathula antha vazhiyaa ethhara thonai poyirukkom chumma? Ippo ennadanna…

Mama1: Antha Arundathi Roy oda book vanthathilirunthu Kumarakom famous aayiduthu.

Mama2: Yei.. Aval oru verum naxal’aakkum. Vajpayee vanthu ponapparum thaan Kumarakom famous aachu. Namma naatukku BJP thaan laayakku. Ippo Modiya paarungo. Corona vukku apparum Chinese Apps’ukkellam Aapadichu vechirukkaar.

Mama1: Correct. Modi panninathu thaan correct. Naan Made in China vaangaratheye niruthuetten.

Mama2: Intha lockdown samayuthula, aatha perukka oru Vacuum Cleaner vaanganama irunthathu. Made in India vaa illattiyum Made in China’va vaangalaye! 

Because of the lockdown and all, Tambrahm Mamas didn’t get the opportunity to discuss about politics in the last so many months. So it is natural that when they got the chance, the discussions would veer around Indian politics.

Of course Mamas whose sons and or daughters lived in the US and who were lucky to return just before Covid, were happy to discuss about Trump re-election and of course namma Kamala (Harris)

Mama1: Naan Madras’la irukarathha, Besant Nagar la Kamalavoda thatha Gopalanai naan paathirukken. Naanga ore kadaila thaan maligai saamaan ellam vaanguvom.  Apparam naanga ore Sabha la member. Kacheri la ellam paathirukken.

Mama2: Avaa amma oru Hari’yaa paathu kalyanam panni iruntha, Kamala Hari’nnu peru vanthirukkum. But ava Non-Veg aakkum.

Mama1: Joe Biden jayichuttaana, oru vela, Besant Nagar’ukku avanai kootindu vanthaalum varuvaa! 

Mama1: Nadaswaram aaru? Nanna vaasikiraan.

Mama2: Local party thaan. Intha kriti enna ragam? Corona thaane? I mean Atana thaane?

Mama1: Enna oi? Corona nyabagam’aave irukkel? 

Mama1: Vadhyaar Palakkad lenthu vanthirukaarame? Train la vanthaara illa Helicopter’leya?

Mama2: Athu Corona samayathula naala. Enakku antha payyanoda family’a theriyum. Athuvum Suhas Vaadhyar chumma pose thaan kuduthaar helicopter minnala ninnundu.

Mama1: Chumma oru jokukaga ketten.

Mama2: But aana, US la namma oru vaadhyar Chopper service vechu nadathindu irukkaarnnu Whatsup la padichen. 

Can Mamis be left behind in the conversations and they be like:

Mami1: Enna Saratha? Mattuponukku ethavathu good news unda?

Mami2: Intha lockdown samayathula ethavathu good news varumnnu ethir patthen. Onnum varalai. Intha varshamnnu Josiyar cholli irukkaar. Paakalaam.

Mami1: Ambalapuzhaikku mudinja kootindu po rendu peraiyum. 

Mami1: Enna, ponnoda Jathakam eduthachaame? Ponnu avale yaaraiyum choose pannalaya?

Mami2: Panni iruntha thevalaye. Neengale paarungonnu cholluetta. Ithu oru periya thala vali. Romba conditions vera. Ithu vendam, athu vendamnnu!

Ethavathu nalla varan iruntha chollungo.

Mami1: Local’aa illa America vaa paakarela?

Mami1: Ava ippo Detroit la irukka. Americannu thaan solluetta.

Mami2: Seri, ethavathu varan kidacha chollaren.  Avasarama irunthaa Elite Matrimony la pottu paarungo.

And the group photo session be like:

Photographer: Ellarum konjam close’aa nillungo. Ippo Corona’kku ellam bayapada vendiyathu illai.

Mama1: Enna Ganapathy, photokku varaama ippadi 6 adi thalli ninna eppadi? Social distancing’aa? 

Aren’t you also eager and desperate to attend that 1^st kalyanam in the family?