Tambrahm Kalyanams have come a long way. The profile of the weddings, the way they are organised, ithyaathi ithyaathi have all undergone a massive transformation. There was a time when we were kids (I am in my 50s now) marriages were conducted at our illams in Kerala. All arrangements from Pandal to pachakkari purchase to arranging milk to Chamayal to Nadaswaram to Vaadhyar to Dress purchase to Batshanam were all arranged by the family members themselves. There was wholehearted support from the local community as well in many things like cutting vegetables and serving etc… I remember as kids even we were given some sundry tasks like taking note of vessels and counting chairs when they were unloaded. For easy reference and understanding, I am calling this the Galatta Kalyanam because there were a lot of unfolding galattas at each stage of the kalyanam.
Then came the next phase probably from the 80s which I call as the phase of Contract Kalyanams. Pioneered and popularised from Coimbatore by Krishna Vaadhyar, the concept quickly spread all over like wildfire. In Contract Kalyanam 1.0, it was only the Catering and Vaideeham that were outsourced. But slowly everything else like Nadaswaram, Photo/Videographer/Kolam podara mamis, Vaazha maram/Pandakaal arranging etc got included. Marriage caterers soon became Marriage contractors. This is in Contract Kalyanam 2.0. I must say here with Kalyanams moving from Galatta to Contract mode, the fun element slowly started receding and Tambrahm weddings became like corporate events where the conducting family, relatives and friends all attended the wedding as “guests”. This phase of Contract Kalyanam has been in vogue for a long stretch of 30-40 years but in the last few years, we are seeing another transformation.
In this current phase, the Galatta element is back but in a different form and in a sense, it is Galatta Kalyanam. And it is still Contract Kalyanam because almost everything is still outsourced but with a twist. So how are Tambrahm weddings being conducted now? Those who had the opportunity to organise weddings in their families recently or attended a wedding of their close relative/s will be able to relate to what I am going to explain.
Tambrahm weddings are back to the old days of tension and pressure for the family. But the cause for the tension and pressure is not about reasons of the past like – Chaapaadu nanna irukkanum. Chaapaadu nanna illaina, ellaarum adhaye lifelong cholli kaattuva. Kalyanam annikku paal correct’a nerathukku varumaa? Bandh/Hartal onnum irukaathe. Maapillai party vara train 3 manikoorukku mela late aagaathe etc etc. These days the worries and the tension continue but at a different level.
- The first tension is about the timely arrival of the boy and the girl for the kalyanam. Kalyana date ellam fix panniyaachu. Innum ponnukkum, payyanukkum leave confirm aagalainnu cholra… Yetho US ’la kalyana samayathula version release irukkaam. Rendu perum busyaana neramnnu chollindu irukkaa. Rendu perum vara mudiyaati, Kalyanatha Zoom la nadatha vendiyathu thaan.
- Next is to get right a very important person. In the past, one of the most important decisions to make for the parents is the choice of the caterer. But now for the girl’s parents, more than the contractor or the wedding planner which is sort of easy to decide based on references, the important decision to make is the choice of the beautician. Intha beautician’a fix panrathukulla porum porum’nnu aayiduthu. Insta’ la check panni decide pannu’nnu Californiavila okkaanthundu order panraa my daughter! These are the usual laments of the girl’s parents these days. Then there are other demands – Nalla Star ratings irukkanum. Google’a feedback nanna irukkanum. Organic products thaan use pannanum. (It is another matter that everyone claims to use only Organic products). Products ellam Hypoallergenic’a irukkapadaathu etc etc.
- Third – the Photo/Videographer and the events guy. More than the guy who covers the regular function (called the traditional cameraman), the candid photographer is most important as he has to capture a lot of candid moments of the couple, the parents, relatives and friends. Quickly after the wedding, the videographer should be able to give a short 10-12 minute “highlights” video that is short enough to be shared with family and friends on WhatsApp without getting sliced. The fact is, no one except the family which spent money on conducting the wedding has the patience to watch 3-4 hours long coverage of the kalyanam. He should also provide “Shots” and “Reels” which can be shared on Insta and FB by the couple and relatives with hashtags in the level of #Virushkawedding or #Saifeena. But the most important is of course the paduthal called “Pre-Wedding” shoot!
- The next thing that gives the parents and relatives a lot of tension before the kalyanam these days is “Practice”. Those days, the only practice required was for madisaar and panjakacham But these days, it is the singing and dance practice. Almost all Tambrahm weddings have the Sangeet event these days in which the bride, groom, both sides’ parents and relatives in different age groups perform. Gone are the days of getting away with the “Sivaji Ganesan walk” or the standard “Amitabh Bachchan step” and calling it a dance. These days everyone has to dance in sync as per the choreographer’s steps. It is another matter that despite all these most Tambrahm mamas cannot dance to save their lives while the mamis manage to dance with grace.
- Then comes another important thing which is getting the blouses and other dresses stitched on time. Those days, before the marriage, friends and relatives dropped into the bride’s or the groom’s house for what is called as “Kalyanam Vicharikal” during which the pattu podavais and other purchases were shown. These days, there is little scope for this because the purchase of clothes happens till the last minute. Sample this conversation:
- Mami 1: (Over Phone from US) Pattu Podavai purchase ellaam aayaacha? Enga WhatsApp le appadiye kaamingo.
- Bride’s mother mami: Adhai yen kekkaraai? Ponnum, payyanum avaale paathu vaangikarom’nnu chollitaa. Colour co-ordinate panraalaam. Avaalukku velaiya vittu time kidaccha thaane…
- Mami 1: Oh, is it? Nee podavai eduthaacha? Enna colour muhurthathukku?
- Bride’s mother mami: Ponnu eduthaparam thane naan edukka mudiyum. Ella sessionukkum colour co-ordinate pannanum’nu vera cholli irukkaa ponnu. Adha naala enakkum podavai edukka mudiyalai.
- Mami 1: Late aanaa blouse ellam eppadi thechu kidaikkum? En paiyyan kalyanathukku tailor 3 blousukku 3 maasam eduthundaan.
- Bride’s mother mami: Chonna aaru kekkara? Ithu periya tension’aa irukku. Ithula vera Kanjipuram poi directa’ thari la vaangina antha weaversukku benefit’aa irukkum’nnu vera ponnu chollaraa. Ithukellam ippo enga time?
- Mami 1: Receptionukku enna dress? Podavai thaane illa Gown madiriyaa?
- Bride’s mother mami: Ippo ellam Gown thaane ellarum podaraa receptionukku. Naanum oru Sharara thechukalaam’nnu irukken. Athukku minnala, konjam weight’a kuraikanum. Ithu oru periya tension’a irukku.
- Mami 1: Slim’a iruntha thaan, Sharara ellam nanna suit aagum.
- Bride’s mother mami: Gents’ukku intha prachanaiye illai. Oru Kurta Pyjama vaangi pottunda porum. Gundaa irunthaalum, Slim’a irunthaalum suit aayidum. Sangeet vera irukku. Athukku Lehenga stitch panna oru 2 maasam aagum. Ore Tension’aa irukku.
- Mami 1: By the by, naan pona weekend Bay Area’la PS2 paaka porache, unnoda ponnayum, Would be yayum paathen. Avaalum vanthiruntha. En payyanum, unnoda would be maapillaiyum CISCO’la Ex-Collegues’aam. (Mind voice: Time illennu cholrathellam chumma)
- Bride’s mother mami: Oh Appadiya… Rendu perukkum Tamil padam – athuvum Mani Ratnam Padam’naa romba pidikkum. Vida maataa.
Namma time madiri illa. Hall lenthu retun gift varaikkum naanga thaan decide pannuvom’nnu cholraa. As parents, we are just ATMs! Anga avaa enjoy pannindu irukka. Namma thaan inga tension’la irukkom.
Tambrahm weddings from being simple, staid functions are becoming like the Big Fat Punjabi weddings. The credit for this I guess must go to filmmaker Karan Johar who in films (some directed and some produced) popularised Punjabi weddings so much that even the usually dour Tambrahms have taken to them. That’s why after the Galatta Kalyanams and Contract Kalyanams, Tambrahm Kalyanams have become Karan Joharised Shaadis!
Pic Credit: Quirkyinvitations.com
Tambrahmism 