Karan Johar and Tambrahm Weddings!

Tambrahm Kalyanams have come a long way. The profile of the weddings, the way they are organised, ithyaathi ithyaathi have all undergone a massive transformation. There was a time when we were kids (I am in my 50s now) marriages were conducted at our illams in Kerala. All arrangements from Pandal to pachakkari purchase to arranging milk to Chamayal to Nadaswaram to Vaadhyar to Dress purchase to Batshanam were all arranged by the family members themselves. There was wholehearted support from the local community as well in many things like cutting vegetables and serving etc… I remember as kids even we were given some sundry tasks like taking note of vessels and counting chairs when they were unloaded.  For easy reference and understanding, I am calling this the Galatta Kalyanam because there were a lot of unfolding galattas at each stage of the kalyanam.

Then came the next phase probably from the 80s which I call as the phase of Contract Kalyanams.  Pioneered and popularised from Coimbatore by Krishna Vaadhyar, the concept quickly spread all over like wildfire. In Contract Kalyanam 1.0, it was only the Catering and Vaideeham that were outsourced. But slowly everything else like Nadaswaram, Photo/Videographer/Kolam podara mamis, Vaazha maram/Pandakaal arranging etc got included. Marriage caterers soon became Marriage contractors. This is in Contract Kalyanam 2.0. I must say here with Kalyanams moving from Galatta to Contract mode, the fun element slowly started receding and Tambrahm weddings became like corporate events where the conducting family, relatives and friends all attended the wedding as “guests”.  This phase of Contract Kalyanam has been in vogue for a long stretch of 30-40 years but in the last few years, we are seeing another transformation.

In this current phase, the Galatta element is back but in a different form and in a sense, it is Galatta Kalyanam. And it is still Contract Kalyanam because almost everything is still outsourced but with a twist. So how are Tambrahm weddings being conducted now? Those who had the opportunity to organise weddings in their families recently or attended a wedding of their close relative/s will be able to relate to what I am going to explain.

Tambrahm weddings are back to the old days of tension and pressure for the family. But the cause for the tension and pressure is not about reasons of the past like – Chaapaadu nanna irukkanum. Chaapaadu nanna illaina, ellaarum adhaye lifelong cholli kaattuva.  Kalyanam annikku paal correct’a nerathukku varumaa? Bandh/Hartal onnum irukaathe.  Maapillai party vara train 3 manikoorukku mela late aagaathe etc etc. These days the worries and the tension continue but at a different level.

• The first tension is about the timely arrival of the boy and the girl for the kalyanam. Kalyana date ellam fix panniyaachu. Innum ponnukkum, payyanukkum leave confirm aagalainnu cholra… Yetho US ’la kalyana samayathula version release irukkaam. Rendu perum busyaana neramnnu chollindu irukkaa. Rendu perum vara mudiyaati, Kalyanatha Zoom la nadatha vendiyathu thaan.
• Next is to get right a very important person. In the past, one of the most important decisions to make for the parents is the choice of the caterer. But now for the girl’s parents, more than the contractor or the wedding planner which is sort of easy to decide based on references, the important decision to make is the choice of the beautician. Intha beautician’a fix panrathukulla porum porum’nnu aayiduthu. Insta’ la check panni decide pannu’nnu Californiavila okkaanthundu order panraa my daughter! These are the usual laments of the girl’s parents these days.  Then there are other demands – Nalla Star ratings irukkanum. Google’a feedback nanna irukkanum. Organic products thaan use pannanum. (It is another matter that everyone claims to use only Organic products). Products ellam Hypoallergenic’a irukkapadaathu etc etc.
• Third – the Photo/Videographer and the events guy. More than the guy who covers the regular function (called the traditional cameraman), the candid photographer is most important as he has to capture a lot of candid moments of the couple, the parents, relatives and friends. Quickly after the wedding, the videographer should be able to give a short 10-12 minute “highlights” video that is short enough to be shared with family and friends on WhatsApp without getting sliced. The fact is, no one except the family which spent money on conducting the wedding has the patience to watch 3-4 hours long coverage of the kalyanam. He should also provide “Shots” and “Reels” which can be shared on Insta and FB by the couple and relatives with hashtags in the level of #Virushkawedding or #Saifeena. But the most important is of course the paduthal called “Pre-Wedding” shoot!
• The next thing that gives the parents and relatives a lot of tension before the kalyanam these days is “Practice”. Those days, the only practice required was for madisaar and panjakacham But these days, it is the singing and dance practice. Almost all Tambrahm weddings have the Sangeet event these days in which the bride, groom, both sides’ parents and relatives in different age groups perform. Gone are the days of getting away with the “Sivaji Ganesan walk” or the standard “Amitabh Bachchan step” and calling it a dance.  These days everyone has to dance in sync as per the choreographer’s steps. It is another matter that despite all these most Tambrahm mamas cannot dance to save their lives while the mamis manage to dance with grace.
• Then comes another important thing which is getting the blouses and other dresses stitched on time. Those days, before the marriage, friends and relatives dropped into the bride’s or the groom’s house for what is called as “Kalyanam Vicharikal” during which the pattu podavais and other purchases were shown. These days, there is little scope for this because the purchase of clothes happens till the last minute.  Sample this conversation:
  • Mami 1: (Over Phone from US) Pattu Podavai purchase ellaam aayaacha? Enga WhatsApp le appadiye kaamingo.
  • Bride’s mother mami: Adhai yen kekkaraai? Ponnum, payyanum avaale paathu vaangikarom’nnu chollitaa. Colour co-ordinate panraalaam. Avaalukku velaiya vittu time kidaccha thaane…
  • Mami 1: Oh, is it? Nee podavai eduthaacha? Enna colour muhurthathukku?
  • Bride’s mother mami: Ponnu eduthaparam thane naan edukka mudiyum. Ella sessionukkum colour co-ordinate pannanum’nu vera cholli irukkaa ponnu. Adha naala enakkum podavai edukka mudiyalai.
  • Mami 1: Late aanaa blouse ellam eppadi thechu kidaikkum? En paiyyan kalyanathukku tailor 3 blousukku 3 maasam eduthundaan.
  • Bride’s mother mami: Chonna aaru kekkara? Ithu periya tension’aa irukku. Ithula vera Kanjipuram poi directa’ thari la vaangina antha weaversukku benefit’aa irukkum’nnu vera ponnu chollaraa. Ithukellam ippo enga time?
  • Mami 1: Receptionukku enna dress? Podavai thaane illa Gown madiriyaa?
  • Bride’s mother mami: Ippo ellam Gown thaane ellarum podaraa receptionukku. Naanum oru Sharara thechukalaam’nnu irukken. Athukku minnala, konjam weight’a kuraikanum. Ithu oru periya tension’a irukku.
  • Mami 1: Slim’a iruntha thaan, Sharara ellam nanna suit aagum.
  • Bride’s mother mami: Gents’ukku intha prachanaiye illai. Oru Kurta Pyjama vaangi pottunda porum. Gundaa irunthaalum, Slim’a irunthaalum suit aayidum. Sangeet vera irukku. Athukku Lehenga stitch panna oru 2 maasam aagum. Ore Tension’aa irukku.
  • Mami 1: By the by, naan pona weekend Bay Area’la PS2 paaka porache, unnoda ponnayum, Would be yayum paathen. Avaalum vanthiruntha.  En payyanum, unnoda would be maapillaiyum CISCO’la Ex-Collegues’aam. (Mind voice: Time illennu cholrathellam chumma)
  • Bride’s mother mami: Oh Appadiya… Rendu perukkum Tamil padam – athuvum Mani Ratnam Padam’naa romba pidikkum. Vida maataa.

Namma time madiri illa. Hall lenthu retun gift varaikkum naanga thaan decide pannuvom’nnu cholraa.  As parents, we are just ATMs! Anga avaa enjoy pannindu irukka. Namma thaan inga tension’la irukkom.

Tambrahm weddings from being simple, staid functions are becoming like the Big Fat Punjabi weddings. The credit for this I guess must go to filmmaker Karan Johar who in films (some directed and some produced) popularised Punjabi weddings so much that even the usually dour Tambrahms have taken to them. That’s why after the Galatta Kalyanams and Contract Kalyanams, Tambrahm Kalyanams have become Karan Joharised Shaadis!

Pic Credit: Quirkyinvitations.com

Chinna Vengaya Sambaarukku Jai!

Today is Sunday and like other Sundays, the menu at home is obviously Chinna Vengaya Sambaar. If you do a quick survey of Tambrahm households on their Sunday menu, I am sure it will be Chinna Vengaya Sambaar in more than 75% of households if not 100%.  Chinna Vengaya Sambaar occupies such a pride of place in a Tambrahm menu.

I am unable to recall when this started at our home actually. Hailing originally from Kerala, Chinna Vengayam was not that popular a thing initially in our house. But when we moved to Trichy in Tamil Nadu, the liking for Chinna Vengayam and the protocol of making Chinna Vengaya Sambaar every Sunday started and it continues till today. Interestingly after marriage, the tradition has continued. At the in-laws’ house also, Sunday meant Chinna Vengaya Sambaar. So that helped. Soon I realized, it is not just our houses, but almost all Tambrahm houses, the situation is the same.

To some extent, I can understand the reason. Sundays are weekly offs and everyone is in a relaxed mood. On Sundays, Bengalis indulge themselves in delicacies made out of fish. Non-Vegetarians usually make it special with chicken or mutton dishes. For Tambrahms who are vegetarians, Chinna Vengaya Sambaar is that special thing.

In fact, it starts with breakfast itself. At my house, usually, Sunday mornings are reserved for Idlis with Chinna Vengaya Sambaar which my Amma will make early morning itself so that it can be used for breakfast. Normal Sambaar’a vida, Vengaya Sambaar’na, and Amma will make more so that for breakfast we can have Idli and Chinna Vengaya Sambaar, for lunch Chinna Vengaya Sambaar and Potato Kaara Kari and then in the evening some Sambaar Vadai.

It takes more effort to make Chinna Vengaya Sambaar than other Sambaars as you have to peel off the small onions one by one during which you may end up weeping copiously. My neighbourhood mami used to do that on Saturday nights itself while watching her usual Tamil serials. It will be difficult to tell if the tears are due to the serial or Chinna Vengayam. But the good thing nowadays is that supermarkets and South Indian stores sell ready-made urichu vecha Chinna Vengayam. So, it makes it easy to make the Sambaar with lesser effort.

Now coming to Idli with Chinna Vengaya Sambaar, there is a nuanced difference. If you take Idli and eat it with Sambaar it is Idli-Sambaar. But if you dunk pieces of Idlis in Sambaar, keep it soaked for some time so that the Idli pieces absorb the Sambaar, and then eat, it is Sambaar Idli. In Trichy, our pakkathu veettu mama would insist that the Sambaar Idli as above should be eaten after pouring dollops of ghee on the top. He used to insist that it is like ‘Sorgathukke poyittu vantha madiri irukkum’. You can guess that this mama belongs to the Saapaattu Raman type, the one who has taken birth in this Bhoomi only to eat.

When Idli and Chinna Vengaya Sambaar are on the menu, mami will keep a few additional yedu of Idlis than normal. Mamas and in fact everyone tends to gobble up a few extra Idlis than their normal quota when served with Chinna Vengaya Sambaar. Usually, the quip of mamis – ‘Konjam paathu saapidungo, weight control’e illai falls on deaf ears when it is Idli with Chinna Vengaya Sambaar. Similarly, she will keep one extra tumbler of rice for lunch when Chinna Vengaya Sambaar is there. As one mama famously said, “Engaathula Chinna Vengaya Sambaar panra annikku eppozhuthume traffic jam than – between kitchen and dining table!”

Connoisseurs of cooking and eating, which in effect means all Tambrahms are aware that there are two popular ways of making Sambaar, namely Podi Potta Sambaar which takes less time and effort and then the more popular Arachuvitta type. This takes more time and more effort. But it is tastier. In the rankings of different types of Sambaars, there is nothing to beat the Arachuvitta Sambaar. Make no mistake, as far as Chinna Vengaya Sambaar is concerned, there is only one type that is acceptable which is the Arachuvitta type.

Another major issue in Tambrahm households is the issue of ‘Thottukka Enna?’ for anything. Ask any mami, she will tell you the mental frustration and torture she goes through in deciding what to make as ‘Thottukka’ for tiffins. I had written about this in detail in my earlier article – “Thottukka Enna?”. If you have not read that before, please do read here. On a day when the mami makes Chutney for Idli, the mama will ask – Innnikku Kadappa illiya?. The day she makes Kadappa, the son will ask – Innikku Chutney illiya? And the day because maybe some guests have come, when the mami makes Chutney and Kadappa, the daughter will ask – Innikku Molagapodi illiya? But again, make no mistake, the day Chinna Vengaya Sambaar is made, the mami doesn’t have to go through any torture like this. Everyone in the family from the mama to the Ambi will happily eat whatever tiffin is made with Chinna Vengaya Sambaar.

Not just at home. Chinna Vengaya Sambaar is so popular with customers, that caterers who supply food on daily basis to mamas and mamis these days will ensure that on Sundays, the menu includes Chinna Vengaya Sambaar. When I checked last, the catering mama told me that on Sundays, the demand goes up by more than two times because Chinna Vengaya Sambaar is on the menu.

In Chennai, I have seen that people used to line up at the Original Ratna Café because they provided small buckets of Chinna Vengaya Sambaar along with water on the table irrespective of whatever you order. Even today, Ratna Café is pulling along based on the reputation it built on the taste of the Chinna Vengaya Sambaar.

Similarly in Mumbai, for bachelors, one of the favourite food places was the “South Indian Concerns” in Matunga East where they use to serve tasty food at reasonable prices. If one of the highlights of the place is ‘Ela potta saapaadu’, and the other was the Chinna Vengaya Sambaar. It was very difficult those days to get a seat on Wednesday nights and Sunday afternoons when Chinna Vengaya Sambaar was on the menu. By the way, in Mumbai where I live now, Chinna Vengayam is called “Madras Onion” thanks to its popularity among the Tamils.

The other aspect of Chinna Vengaya Sambaar is not just Idlis, it goes well with everything. Whether it is Dosa, Adai, Vadai and what not, if they are accompanied by Chinna Vengaya Sambaar, their taste gets elevated.

Chinna Vengayam is the perfect example of “Murthy chinnatha irunthaalum, Keerti perusu” Though smaller in size, Chinna Vengayams beat the Periya Vengayams hollow in terms of popularity. However, despite this popularity, one doesn’t understand why you call a stupid guy– sutha vengayama irukaan! Anyone?

Pic Courtesy: Sandhya’s Cookbook page.

Mami’s Call Vs. Mama’s Call!

With the advent of technology, cheap telephony and internet, one thing that has become easy today compared to a few decades ago is “being in touch”! Making outstation calls through mobile is very cheap. Making ISD calls through WhatsApp is free. Making Video calls is a breeze. The result – Tambrahm Mamis and Mamas talk to their children very regularly. But there is always a difference in what Mamis talk about with their children, in particular the daughters and what Mamas talk about with their children. For this article, Mamis and Mamas are those in the age group of 60 – 75 years while the sons and daughters are married and in the age group of 35 – 45.

Most likely illa illa definitely, Mamis talk to their daughters at least once a day if not more frequently while they talk to their sons on a need basis or probably once a week. Mamas talk to their sons and daughters usually on a need basis or once a week.

A Mami’s call to her daughter though happens every day, revolves around a lot of topics and goes something like this:

Suresh office poyaachaa? (Suresh is the son-in-law)

Aadi school ponaana? (Aaditya is the grandson). School bus correct’ a vanthutha?

After those initial ice breakers, the conversation veers around the purpose for which Tambrahms exist i.e. Food.

Enna tiffin kaarthaala? Idliyaa? Thottukka enna?

Chutney’e pannindu irukkiye. Oru naal different’a kadappa try pannen…

Giving menu suggestions to their daughters is in the DNA of Mamis.

Molaga podi theernthu pochunnu sonniye…. Podichu vechiya?

A daughter can’t get a better organizer/reminder mechanism than her mother.

Aadi’kku dabbala enna kudutha?

Apparum madyanam lunch’ukku enna? Innikku Pradoshamakkum. Vengayam avoid pannu…

Nethikku dinner’ukku enna pannina? Arisi kozhakattaiya??? Ozhunga vanthutha?? Kozhanju onnum pogalaiye…?

Athu kozhaiyaama irukarathukku… tips follow.

For the mother, even a grown-up daughter is always a novice as far as cooking is concerned… and so tips on cooking are to be provided almost on a daily basis.

After this round of kusalam over food, menu, etc… conversation shifts to another favourite and important topic.

Nethikku Shantha vanthaala??? (Shantha is the housemaid)

Etho leave eduthaalum eduppaa’nnu nethikku sonniye…

Inga Lakshmi vanthaa. Aana romba late aayiduthu. Ava varathukulla naanum appavuma perukki, thodachu ellam pannittom. Late’a varuvennu oru phone panni irukalaam illiyaa? At least oru WhatsApp message potturuntha thevala… Nethikku fullum kaal vali thaanga mudiyalai.

Discussion around the maidservant can go longer. But let us move on. From the maid servant topic, over to others…

Yaaravathu phone panninaala?

Nethikku evening Chitthi phone pannina, US lenthu… Chumma thaan. Oru 10 mani irukkum nightla… Konja neram pesindu irunthaa. Adutha maasam thirumbi varaalaam. Anga Vinayaga Chaturti ellam romba grand’a panninaalaam. Angeyum ippo Shastha Batter’nnu fresh Idli/Dosa maavu ellam kidaikarathaam.  California’la avaa irukara idathula romba chooda irukkam ippo.. Ippadi konja neram pesindu iruntha…

Exchanging notes like above on who called whom and what was said is an important segment of the daily phone call.  The call then moves to immediate action points.

Suresh’oda passport intha maasam expire aagarathunnu pona maasam sonniye… Pudhu passport’ukku apply panniyaacha?

This is what I mentioned earlier also. You can’t beat the Mamis on their memory and organisation skills. You would have told her about this passport expiry thing a month ago and forgotten yourself. But the mother will remember this and give you a timely reminder.

Another example of their memory is how they remember birth dates, Star birthdays of almost all in the family tree and remind you now and then. Something like this:

Aadi’oda natchathiram Friday annikku varathu. Kovil’a archanaikku cholli du.

Suresh’oda adutha maasam 14^th.

If there are no other action points and no other topics, the call moves towards a wrap-up.

Verenna?

Balconey’la Rose chedi vechiye… Nanna varathaa?

Verenna?

Adutha vaaram Suresh’kku tour ethavathu irukka?

Verenna?

Now let us look at how a Mama’s call with his son goes:

Enna anga mazhai peyyaratha? Inga romba chooda’ irukku. – In general, about the weather.

Office ellam eppadi poyindu irukku… Work from home thaane…  – In general, about work.

Nethikku match paathiya? Kohli oru vazhiyaa form’ukku vanthaan – In general about Cricket.

Nethikku Sanjay Subramanian Kacherikku ponnennu potturunthiye… As usual amakalama? – In general about Carnatic Music.

Modi varaar polarukku Bombay’kku naalaiku? Traffic jam’la maataama paathukko.

Property Tax online katta paathen. Some problem. Apparam naane nera poi kattittu vanthutten. – In general, about world affairs.

Baaki amma kitta pesikko…

Do you need a better example to prove that men and women are indeed wired differently?